There was a penguin that was driving his car on a hot summer day, and his car broke down, luckily he was right near a gas station. The penguin stopped and the machanic said he could fix it, but it would be awhile. So the penguin went inside and bought a vanilla icecream cone.The penguins vanilla ice cream melted all over him, so when he was done he cleaned his hands and went to check on his car. When he got out there he asked the machinic if he knew what was wrong with his car, the machanic looked at him and said I think you blew a seal.
And the penguin said, Oh no, that just the vanilla ice cream.
Posted in Tasteless |
This guy walks into a bar in Arkansas and orders a white wine.
Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, surprised, and the bartender looks around and says: You aint from around here, are ya… where ya from, boy?
The guy says, Im from Iowa.
The bartender asks, What th hell you do in Iowa?
The guy responds, Im a taxidermist.
The bartender asks, A taxidermist… now just what th hell is a taxidermist?
The guy says I mount animals.
The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, Its OK boys, hes one of us!
Posted in Bar |
Q. What do you do whan a Blonde throws a pin at you?
A. Run, because shes got a grenade in the other hand
Posted in General / Unsorted |
U heard each of the religions r having their own airplane companies now? Each with its own motto…
Baptist Airlines: No drinking, smoking or dancing in the aisles…
Catholic Lines: All our attendants wear black
Methodist Flys: Drinks for Everybody!
Jehovah Witness Wings: No matter how short your bathroom visit… we KEEP knocking at the door..
How much sin can I get away with & STILL get to heaven…
Rainy www
Posted in General / Unsorted |
A schoolteacher was given a ticket for driving through a red light. When she appeared in traffic court, she asked the judge for immediate attention to her case as she was due to be back in class. The judge looked at her sternly and said, So youre a schoolteacher. I am about to realize a lifelong ambition. You sit down at that table over there and write I went through a stop sign. FIVE HUNDRED TIMES!
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Roxanne Roxanne who? Roxanne corals sure do make this aquarium pretty.
Posted in Animal |
Mrs. Smith was preparing dinner when little Brad came into the kitchen. What has mamas darling been doing all day?
Ive been playing mailman, replied Brad.
Mailman? asked the mother. How could you do that when you had no letters?
I had a whole bunch of letters, said Brad. I found them in that old trunk up in the attic, all tied up with ribbon. I put one in every mailbox on the street.
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Dick Cheney, President Bush and his father are flying on Air Force
One. Dick looks at Dubya, chuckles and says, You know, I could throw
a $100.00 bill out the window right now and make one person very
happy.
Dubya shrugs his shoulders and says, Well, I could throw ten $10.00
bills out the window and make 10 people very happy.
George Bush Senior says, Of course then, I could throw one-hundred
$1.00 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy.
The pilot rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, I could
throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy.
Posted in Political |
Q: How many Liberal Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Well its not really a question of should we change it or should we not change the lightbulb, but more a question of…(blah blah waffle)
Posted in Lightbulb |
Two nude statues (one male and one female) had been standing in a beautiful park for 99 years.
On their 100th anniversary in the park an angel came down from heaven to talk to the statues.
He said to them, God has been watching you for the past 100 years and has been very pleased with the two of you. So pleased in fact that he has decided to make you human for a short time.
The angel then went on to say that they would be human for 15 minutes and would finally be able to pleasure themselves in a manner in which they have only fantasized about for the last 100 years.
The statues were so excited they could hardly believe it. The second they became human they ran off together behind the bushes. The angel heard the rustling of the bushes and shouts of joy and laughter.
After 10 minutes the statues returned from behind the bushes sweating and laughing. The angel told the statues that they still had five more minutes.
The male statue quickly turned to the female statue and said:
Cool, this time, you hold down the pigeon and Ill shit on its head.
Posted in Foul Language |