The head nun at the convent says, I found a pair of mens underwear under my desk!
Twenty nuns gasp, but one nun goes Heh, heh, heh…
She says, And I found a used condom on my desk!
Twenty nuns gasp, but one nun goes Heh, heh, heh…
She says, And there was a huge tear in the condom!
One nun gasps, but twenty nuns go, Heh, heh, heh.
A fire started on some grassland near a farm in Indiana. The fire department from the nearby town was called to put the fire out. The fire proved to be more than the small town fire department could handle, so someone suggested that a rural volunteer fire
department be called. Though there was doubt that they would be of any assistance, the call was made.The volunteer fire department arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck. They drove straight towards the fire and stopped in the middle of the flames. The volunteer firemen jumped off the truck and frantically started spraying water in all directions. Soon they had snuffed out the center of the fire, breaking the blaze into two easily controllable parts.The farmer was so impressed with the volunteer fire departments work and so grateful that his farm had been spared, that he presented the volunteer fire department with a check for $1000.A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain what the department planned to do with the funds.That should be obvious, he responded, the first thing were
gonna do is get the brakes fixed on that stupid fire truck!
Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriend Plus 1.0 (marketing name: Fiance 1.0). Recently he upgraded Fiance 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and its a memory hogger: has taken up all his space.
Wife 1.0 must be running before he can do anything and seems to conflict/interfere with other tasks running such as hockey 2.1, squash 3.01 and boys out 1.2. Although he didnt ask for them, Wife 1.0 came with auto-installed Plug-Ins such as Mother In Law and Brother In Law.
Some features Id like to see in the upcoming GirlFriend 4.0…
– A Dont remind me again button
– Minimize button
– Shutdown feature
– An install shield feature so that Girlfriend 4.0 can be completely uninstalled if so desired (so you dont lose cache and other objects)
– Abort button (O.K. that ones pretty bad – but had to say it)
I tried running Girlfriend 2.0 with Girlfriend 1.0 still installed, they tried using the same I/O port and conflicted. Then I tried to uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 but it didnt have an uninstall program. I tried to uninstall it by hand, but it put files in my system directory. Another thing that sucks–in all versions of Girlfriend that Ive used is that it is totally object orientated and only supports hardware with gold plated contacts.
***** BUG WARNING ********
Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources. Wife 1.0 will then spawn off the virus Lawyer 6.66 which, when activated, consumes all available resources and brings your system to its knees. The funny thing is, if you try to hide Mistress 1.1 in high memory, Wife 1.0 will eventually detect it and begin the process described above.
Un señor siempre pasaba por una tienda de animales en su camino diario, y cada vez que pasaba un loro le decÃa:
Ese que va ahà es puto, ese que va ahà es puto.
Pinche loro.
Esto era todos los dÃas y el ya estaba cansado asà que decidió disfrazarse para despistar al lorito.
Primero de licenciado.
Ese que va ahà es puto, ese que va ahà es puto.
Pinche loro hijo de…
Después de pirata.
Ese que va ahà es puto, ese que va ahà es puto.
Pinche loro culero.
Y asà pasaba todos los dìas. Harto de esta situación se dijo para sà mismo.
Esta vez me voy a disfrazar de algo que no me pueda reconocer.
Al dÃa siguiente pasa disfrazado de mujer.
¿No que no? ¿No que no?
Esto es un calvo que estaba acomplejado con su calva, entonces para ligar se ponÃa peluca.
Un buen dÃa se ligó a una cegata. Una vez en la casa del calvo la cegata se va al baño para quitarse las gafas, en ese momento el calvo aprovecha para quitarse la peluca, cuando la cegata va a tientas a la cama empieza a tocar la cabeza del calvo y exclama:
¿Esta es la cabeza?
SÃ, contesta el calvo.
Pues eso se lo vas a meter a tu puta madre.
I was having a bad day. For one thing I hadn’t slept well the previous night because of another loud party next door. On top of that, I felt a cold coming on. So I drove to the neighborhood drugstore, and ran in for a couple of minutes, just to get some cough drops. When I came out, there was a cop, writing a ticket for the expired parking meter.
“Give a girl a break, would you?†I asked him. He ignored me and went on writing. I called him a “pencil-necked Nazi.†He glared at me and began writing a second ticket for the expired city sticker. I called him a “horse’s ass,†and he began writing another ticket–for worn tires!!
I didn’t care. It wasn’t my car, but I’d recognized it as my noisy neighbor’s. I take my fun where I can get it.
There is no job so simple that it cannot be done wrnog.
Boycott shampoo! Demand the real poo!
Joke found on http://www.randomjoke.com
Friends are like a head of hair.
You might lose some, but with enough money you can buy them back.
What did the fish say when he hit a wall? Dam!