An Army guy and a Navy guy found themselves in a public restroom.
As the Army guy was walking out, the Navy guy said, while
washing his hands,
In the Navy, they teach us to wash our hands before leaving the
restroom. Then the Army guy replied,
Well, in the Army, they teach us not to pee on our hands!
A photographer for anational magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was advisedthat a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire.
The photographer arrived atthe airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane waswaiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, "Lets go!" The tense mansitting in the pilots seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air,though flying erratically.
"Fly over the northside of the fire," said the photographer, "and make several low-levelpasses."
"Why?" asked thenervous pilot.
"Because Im going totake pictures!" yelled the photographer. "Im a photographer, and photographerstake pictures!"
The pilot replied,"You mean youre not the flight instructor?"
Yo mama is missing a finger and cant count past nine.
A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates. The first beau came to the door and said, Im Eddie, Im here to pick up Betty. Were going for spaghetti, is she ready? No. The second beau came to the door and said, Im Joe, Im here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go? No. The third beau came to the door and said to the farmer. Hello, my name is Chuck. The farmer shot Chuck.
There were three Blondes on a tiny Island. They all wanted to get off the Island but none of them knew how. So one day a genie came along and granted each one a wish.
The first one wished to become intelligent enough to get off the Island. So the genie turned her into a redhead and she swam off.
The next one said: Thats cool, I want to get more intelligent than her. The genie turned her into a Brunette and she built a boat and sailed off.
The third Blonde was really impressed and wanted to become even more intelligent. So the genie turned her into a man, who used the bridge.
Un viajante va por el desierto montado en su camello. De pronto, el animal se detiene y se niega a caminar. Desesperado, el viajero mira a su alrededor y, a lo lejos, logra divisar un local con un letrero en grandes letras:
SE REPARAN CAMELLOS
Alegre, corre hacia allá y encuentra a un árabe que le ofrece repararlo por 20 dólares. El tipo los paga y el moro manda una grúa para traer al camello. Cuando éste es traÃdo, el dueño del local ordena:
Súbanlo a la rampa.
El animal es subido en la rampa y, con dos enormes piedras, le golpean en los testÃculos. El dromedario sale corriendo como alma en pena. Sorprendido, el dueño del animal pregunta:
Y yo, ¿cómo lo voy a alcanzar?
El árabe grita:
Súbanlo a la rampa.
If a man says something and there is not a woman around to hear it, is he still wrong?
Love is a many-splendored thing. Until you have to explain to 300 million
people why your splendor by-product is causing a tax hike to cover the
new Presidential Emergency Dry-Cleaning Fund. Then its just a pain in
the ass.
– Alisa Meadows
knock knock
whos there?
cow goes
cow goes who?no silly, cow goes MOO!
Adam was walking around thegarden of Eden, moping. So God asked him, "What is wrong withyou?" Adam said he didnt have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companon and that it would be a woman. He said, "This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when youve had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it. Adam asked God, "Whatwill a woman like this cost?" God replied, "An arm and a leg." Adam thought a moment and asked, "What can I get for a rib?" The rest is history….