During grammar school science experiements into properties of different alcohols:
The residue of each test was tipped down the sinks, which were grouped in threes. There were no U-bends, but each group of sinks emptied into a single box, which overflowed into the mains sewers. Presumably this was intended to retain things like droplets of mercury, which was not banned from use when I was 16.
During the session, my bunsen went out, so I re-lit it with a splint lit from the teachers bunsen. For safetys sake (!) I dropped the burning splint into the sink, intending to extinguish it with water, instead of waving it around in the alcohol fumes. A small blue flame disappeared down the plughole. Hum, thinks I, I wonder where thats going?
I opened the cupboard neath the sink, only to find the drain box, full of alcohol, a roaring mass of flame. Shutting the doors, I called out, Er, Sir… just as the inch-thick wooden lids blew off the adjacent un-used sinks. Fortunately, the back-blast extinguished the flames under the cupboard, so the box only sagged slightly!
Posted in Science |
Un cowboy llegó al pueblo y entró a la cantina por un trago. Para su mala suerte, los habitantes del pueblo acostumbraban asaltar a los forasteros, asà que cuando terminó su bebida, encontró que su caballo habÃa desaparecido. El vaquero volvió a entrar a la cantina, desenfundó su revólver, lo hizo girar sobre su cabeza y disparó al techo.
¿QUIEN DE USTEDES SE ROBO MI CABALLO? gritó con todas sus fuerzas.
Nadie respondió.
¡Muy bien, voy a tomar otra cerveza, y si mi caballo no está de vuelta para cuando termine, voy a hacer lo mismo que hice en Texas! ¡Y realmente no me gusta nada lo que tuve que hacer en Texas!
Los que lo escuchaban se removieron nerviosos en sus asientos.
El tipo acabó su cerveza, salió de la cantina y vio que su caballo estaba de regreso. Montó en él y empezó a cabalgar tranquilamente fuera del pueblo.
El cantinero salió corriendo y le gritó, Oiga, amigo, antes de que se vaya… ¿qué es lo que pasó en Texas?
El cowboy se volvió y dijo, Tuve que caminar hasta mi casa.
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
Un homosexual entra a una carnicerÃa y dice:
Señor carnicero ¿tiene salami?
El carnicero pregunta:
¿Entero o en rodajas?
Y el otro enojado le contesta:
¡Ay, degenerado! ¿qué te pensás que mi culo es una alcancÃa?
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
The flustered bank robber walked up to the
teller, pulled out a gun, and said; all
right mother sticker, this is a fuck up,
put your brains in the bag, or ill blow the money all over the floor.
Posted in Foul Language |
Youre a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.
Posted in Political |
Four married guys go golfing on Sunday. During the 3rd hole the following conversation ensued:
First Guy: Man, you have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.
Second Guy: Thats nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool.
Third Guy: Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her.
They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they ask him. You havent said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. Whats the deal?
Fourth Guy: I dont want to talk about it. Lets just say that the foundation for the new house is being poured next Tuesday.
Posted in Golf |
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
Posted in One Liners |
You might be a redneck if…
Youve ever spray painted your girlfriends name on an overpass.
Posted in Redneck |
The scene was a tiny mountain village in a remote section of West Virginia. An old mountaineer and his young wife were getting a divorce in the local court. But custody of the children was a problem.The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.The old mountaineer also wanted custody of the children. The judge asked for his side of the story and, after a long moment of silence, the mountaineer slowly rose from his chair and replied, Judge, when I put a dollar in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?
Posted in General / Unsorted |
A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing the following four elements:
Religion, Royalty, Sex, and Mystery.
The prize-winning essay read:
My God, said the Queen. Im pregnant. I wonder who did it?
Posted in General / Unsorted |