Why are womens feet so small?
So they can stand closer to the sink.
15
Mar
15
Mar
Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their love lives. One woman said, I call my husband the dentist. Nobody can drill like he does. The second woman giggled and confessed, I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft. The third woman quietly sipped her whiskey until her friend asked, Say, what do you call your husband? She frowned and said, The postman. Why the postman?Because he always delivers late, and half the time its in the wrong box.
15
Mar
I absolutley hate sex on the television…..
I keep falling off!
14
Mar
A pretty woman is driving down a country road in her new sports car when the car breaks down. Luckily, she happens to be near a farmhouse. She goes up to the farmhouse and knocks on the door. When the farmer answers, she says to him, Oh, its Sunday night and my car broke down! Can I stay here for the night until tomorrow when I can get some help?
Well, drawls the farmer, you can stay here, but I dont want you messin with my sons Jed and Luke.
She looks through the screen door and sees two young men standing behind the farmer. She judges them to be in the early twenties. Okay, she says.
After they have gone to bed for the night the woman begins to get a little horny just thinking about the two boys in the room next to her. So she quietly goes into their room and says, Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?
They say, Huh?
She says, The only thing is, I dont want to get pregnant, so you have to wear these rubbers. She puts them on the boys, and the three of them go at it all night long.
Forty years later Jed and Luke are sitting on the front porch, rocking back and forth. Jed says, Luke?
Luke says, Yeah, Jed?
Jed says, You remember that woman that came by here about forty years ago and showed us the ways of the world?
Yeah, says Luke, I remember.
Well, do you care if she gets pregnant? asks Jed.
Nope, says Luke, I reckon not.
Me, neither, says Jed, Lets take these things off.
14
Mar
Un matrimonio cumple 25 años de casados y la esposa le pregunta al marido:
Mi amor, ¿qué me vas a regalar para nuestras bodas de plata?
Un viaje a China.
La mujer, sorprendida por la magnitud del regalo, le demanda:
Pero, mi amor, si para los 25 años me regalas esto, ¿qué vas a hacer para cuando cumplamos los 50?
Te voy a ir a buscar.
14
Mar
Un hombre tenÃa boletos para la final del mundial de futbol.
Cuando se sienta, un hombre se acerca y le pregunta si está ocupado el asiento junto a él.
No, está desocupado le contesta.
Asombrado el otro dice: Es increÃble, ¿quién en su sano juicio tiene un asiento como éste para la final del mundial, el evento más grande del mundo, y no lo usa?
El hombre lo mira y le dice: Bueno, en realidad el asiento es mÃo. Lo compre hace dos años. Se suponÃa que mi esposa me iba a acompañar, pero falleció. Éste es el Primer Mundial en el que no vamos a estar juntos desde que nos casamos en 1982.
Desconsolado el otro dice: ¡OH! Me da pena oÃr eso. Es terrible. ¿Pero, no pudo encontrar a alguien más? ¿Un amigo, o pariente, incluso un vecino para que usara el asiento?
El hombre niega con la cabeza mientras dice:
No… ¡todos están en el velorio!
14
Mar
Microsofts ad slogan for Windows 95 was Where do you want to go today?
Now that Windows 98 is out, Microsoft have disclosed the alternatives that were considered when Windows 95 was released :
1. Windows: The colorful clown suit for DOS.
2. Double your drive space: Delete Windows!
3. Windows and DOS: A turtle and its shell.
4. Microsoft gives you Windows – OS/2 gives you the whole house.
5. A computer without Windows is like a fish without a bicycle.
6. Bang on the left side of your computer to restart Windows.
7. Error #152 – Windows not found: (C)heer (P)arty (D)ance.
8. I still miss Windows, but my aim is getting better.
9. Ill never forget the first time I ran Windows, but Im trying.
10. My lastest screen-saver: Curtains for Windows.
11. OS/2 … Opens up Windows, shuts up Gates.
12. Out of disk space. Delete Windows? [Y]es [H]ell Yes!
13. Windows 3.1: The best $89 solitaire game you can buy.
14. Windows NT: Insert wallet into Drive A: and press any key to empty.
15. How do you want to crash today?
14
Mar
A man came to a Sunday school class late one day and the teacher said he will punish the late comer with a qeustion. He asked the late comer wether to ask him one hard qeustion or two simple ones. The late comer said
one hard qeustion.
Q. How many stars are there in Heaven
A. 5000,00000000
The Teacher was surprised and he asked how do you know
The late comer replied him thus; You have asked me another qeustion again.
14
Mar
Some people grow old gracefully, while others fight and scratch the whole way.
Andys wife, refusing to give in to the looks of growing old, goes out and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger.
After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the miracle products, she asks her husband – Darling, honestly, if you didnt know me, what age would you say I am?
Looking over her carefully, Andy replied,…
Judging from your skin, twenty;
your hair, eighteen;
and your figure, twenty five.
Oh, you flatterer! she gushed. Just as she was about to tell Andy his reward, he stops her by saying…
WHOA, hold on there sweety! Andy interrupted.
I havent added them up yet!
14
Mar
Boltons Law Of Ascending Budgets: Under current practices, both expenditures and revenues rise to meet each other, no matter which one may be in excess. – Joe Bolton, Fellow of the RAND Graduate Institute