Old and New Jokes

The Lone Ranger and Tonto ride into town one dusty, dry, Wild West day and proceed to the first saloon, where they tie up their trusty steeds and head in for a snort.

After a while a stranger walks into the bar and asks, Who owns the white horse tied up outside?

The Lone Ranger said, Why, that would be mine. Why do you ask?

Because it’s collapsed and looks like its dying, says the stranger.

So the Lone Ranger and Tonto head out to check on Silver.

Hes probably just suffering from the heat, says the Lone Ranger, who asks Tonto if he could run around Silver for a while to help keep him cool.

The Lone Ranger returns to the bar and after half an hour another stranger walks in and asks, Who owns the white horse outside?

The Lone Ranger says, Thats mine, whats the problem this time?

Oh, no problem, says the stranger, its just that youve left your injun running.

A language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.



Things like chalk or pencil, she described, would have a gender association although in English these words were neutral. Puzzled, one student raised his hand and asked, What gender is a computer?



The teacher wasnt certain which it was,and so divided the class into two groups and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. One group was comprised of the women in the class, and the other, of men. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.



The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in masculine gender because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.



The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories.

Two daughters had been given parts in a Christmas pageant at their church. At dinner that night, they got into an argument as to who had the most important role. Finally the 10 year old said to her younger sister, Well you just ask Mom. Shell tell you its much harder to be a virgin than it is to be an angel.

Im just driving this way to piss you off.

Q.How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?

A. Its not hard.

The first time is for love, the next time is $200.

How can there be self-help groups?

A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes. How do they feel? asks the sales clerk.

Well … they feel a bit tight. replies the man.

The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and the mans feet. Try pulling the tongue out offers the clerk.

Nath theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth. He says.

I think its time to stop carping on the blunders
of the President and give him some credit for
creativity. I mean, where do you even FIND a Jewish
hard-line conservative Republican pot-smoker?
Sounds like an Oprah Winfrey guest.

— A. Whitney Brown

Moriarty, aka Jeff Meyer

Math 101Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried.Why do I tell you this?Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950s:
Teaching Math In 1950A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?
Teaching Math In 1960A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?
Teaching Math In 1970A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?
Teaching Math In 1980A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20 Your assignment: Underline the number 20.
Teaching Math In 1990A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and
inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the
preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes?
(There are no wrong answers.)
Teaching Math In 2005Un hachero vende una carretada de madera para $100. El costo de la producción es $80 ….