The following is from an actual 1950s Home Economics textbook intended for High School girls, teaching them how to prepare for married life:
1. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal – on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.
2. Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.
3. Clear away clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too.
4. Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the childrens hands and faces if they are small, comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.
5. Minimize the noise: At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of washer, dryer, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Greet him with a warm smile and be glad to see him.
6. Some DONTS: Dont greet him with problems or complaints. Dont complain if hes late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day.
7. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lay down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.
8. Listen to him: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.
9. Make the evening his: Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment; instead try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his need to be home and relax.
10. The Goal: try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can relax.
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Donna Mae!
Donna Mae who?
Donna Mae-k you an offer you cant refuse!
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
41. Shave one eyebrow.
Your mom is so fat, I can get morning exercise by running around here!
The following is a list with actual notes from parents (including spelling) to school offices:
*My son is under a doctors care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
*Please excuse Anne for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
*Dear school: Please ekscuse Joe being ansent on Jan. 28, 29, 39, 31, 32, and 33.
*Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.
*Sally wint be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
*My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines.
*Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
One day a proud mother entered the record compagny. My daughter is a real Popstar! She sings just like Withney Houston.
The manager replied: I can hardly believe that.
But I brought a tape, you listen to that!, urged the mother. She handed over her tape.
The manager put in his tape-deck. A golden voice filled the room and the manager closed his eyes and enjoyed the singing. When the song was finished, he opened his eyes and said: But that was Withney Houston!
Yes, and my daughter sings just like that.
A Sardarji joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee. On his first day he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone,Abey saale Get me a coffee quickly! The voice from the other side responded,You fool youve dialed the wrong extension!
Do you know who youre talking to, dumbo?
No, replied the trainee
Its the Managing Director of the company, you fool! The Sardarji shouted back, And do you know who YOU are talking to, youfool?
No., replied the Managing Director. Good!, replied the Sardarji and put down the phone!
A lady bought a new Lexus. Cost a bundle. Two days later, she brought it back,complaining that the radio was not working.
Madam, said the sales manager, the audio system in this car is completely automatic. All you need to do is tell it what you want to listen to, and you will hear exactly that!
She drove out, somewhat amazed and a little confused. She looked at the radio and said, Nelson. The radio responded, Ricky or Willie? She was astounded. If she wanted Beethoven, thats what she got. If she wanted Nat King Cole, she got it.
She was stopped at a traffic light enjoying On The Road Again when the light turned green and she pulled out. Suddenly an enormous sports utility vehicle coming from the street she was crossing sped toward her, obviously not paying attentionto the light. She swerved and narrowly missed a collision.
Idiot! she yelled and, from the radio, Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States.
Q: Why does the secret service guard Hillary so closely?
A: Because if something happens to her, Bill becomes President!
A man is sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan.
Man:
What was that for?
Wife:
What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it?
Man:
Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on.
The wife looked all satisfied, apologizes and goes off to work around the house.
Three days later the man is once again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying pan swatting.
Man:
What the hell was that for this time?
Wife:
Your horse called.