One More Whore And We Get Gore HONK! If you had sex with the President Kennedy = Camelot Clinton = Lie-a-lot Clinton: We forgive you . . .Now Resign! Al Gore: One heartthrob from the Presidency Adultery is NOT a family value Does character matter YET? America needs a President Not a Predator Bill Clinton: Commander in Heat My President Slept with Your Honor Student Jail to the Chief Today kids no longer play doctor, they play President The Clinton Creed: Take Credit Not Responsibility If his private life doesnt matter, let him date your daughter
22
Feb
22
Feb
1. In high school, you do homework. In college, you study.
2. No food is allowed in the hall in high school.
In college, food must be provided at an event before students will come.
3. In high school, you wear your backpack on one shoulder; in college, on both.
4. In college, the professors can tell you the answer without looking at
the teachers guide.
5. In college, there are no tardy slips.
6. In high school, you have to live with your parents. In college, you
get to live with your friends.
7. In college, you dont have to wait in a certain lunch line to be cool.
8. Only nerds e-mailed in high school. (Cool kids hadnt heard of it.)
9. In high school, youre told what classes to take. In college, you get to
choose; that is, as long as the classes dont conflict and you have the
prerequisites and the classes arent closed and youve paid your tuition.
10. In high school, if you screw up you can usually sweet-talk your way
out of it. In college, youre lucky to ever talk with the professor.
11. In high school, fire drills are planned by the administration; in
college, by the drunk frat boys on their way home when the bars close.
12. In college, any test consists of a larger percentage of your grade
than your high school final exams ever did.
13. In high school, when the teacher said, Good morning, you mumbled back.
In college, when the professor says, Good morning, you write it down.
14. In high school, freshman guys hit on senior girls. In college,
senior guys hit on freshman girls.
15. In college, weekends start on Thursday.
16. In college, its much more difficult to figure out the course schedule of
the man/woman you have a crush on, in order to figure out where he/she
will be walking around campus and at what time to find them there.
17. Once youve obtained the information described in #16, its much more time
-consuming to run between classes to that place where you know he/she will
be in order to just happen to bump into him/her.
18. In college, theres no one to tell you not to eat pizza three meals a day.
19. In college, your dad doesnt pay for dates.
20. In high school, it never took 3 or 4 weeks to get money from Mom and Dad.
21. College guys are cuter than high school boys.
22. College women are legal.
23. In college, when you miss a class (or two or three), you dont need
a note from your parents saying you were skip….uh, sick that day.
24. In high school, you cant go out to lunch because its not allowed.
In college, you cant go out to lunch because you cant afford it.
25. In college, you can blow off studying by writing lists like this.
22
Feb
A man was crawling across the Desert dying of thirst, when a camel raced up and stopped. An Arab jumped down opened a suitcase and said, Would you like to buy a tie?
No, said the man, I need water, do you have water?
No, said the Arab, No water, but I do have a wonderful selection of ties.
He rode off, and the unfortunate man continued crawling across the hot sand until he came to a beautiful Hotel. He crawled up the steps, crying Water! Water!
The Manager approached him and said, Im sorry Sir, you cant come in here without a tie!!!
http://www.people.cornell.edu/pages/bs16/
22
Feb
A guy walks into a bar.
The next day the same guy walks into the same bar.
The next day, a guy stops him and says arent you gonna duck?
22
Feb
After living in a remote wilderness all his life, an old codger decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not knowing what it was,
he remarked, How about that! Heres a picture of my daddy.He bought the picture, but on the way home he remembered his wife, Lizzy, hated his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go
there and look at it.Lizzy began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn. One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror.As she looked into the glass, she fumed, So thats the old gal hes runnin after! Ill kill him!
21
Feb
Snow White saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up
behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face crying,
Lie to me! Lie to me!
21
Feb
Iba Pepito caminando con su mamá por la calle, cuando de repente ven a dos perros bien enchufados. La mamá le dice a Pepito:
No veas Pepito, no tiene caso; sucede que el perrito se rompió una patita y su mamá lo está ayudando a llegar a su casa…
Como la mamá se da cuenta que Pepito viene enojadÃsimo, le pregunta:
Oye pepito, ¿qué te pasa, algo te preocupa…?
¡No mamá, lo que pasa es que ese pinche perro abusivo, aparte que lo van ayudando, todavÃa se la venÃa COGIENDO!
21
Feb
Un tipo va al Ãfrica y, para no sentirse tan solo, decide llevar a su perro. El primer dÃa del safari, el animal, muy contento, se pone a corretear mariposas y cuando menos se lo esperó ya se habÃa separado del grupo.
El can, desesperado, empezó a buscarlos cuando, en eso, ve que una pantera muy enfurecida se dirigÃa hacia él dispuesto a comérselo.
Asustado, rápidamente piensa qué hacer; ve unos huesos que estaban junto a él y los empieza a morder. Justo cuando la pantera lo iba a atacar, el perro exclama:
¡Mmmmmm, qué rica pantera me acabo de comer!
La pantera, al escuchar eso, se frena con estruendo y huye muy asustada mascullando:
¡Pinche perro, por poco y me come a mà también!
Pero arriba de un árbol, estaba un chango que vio todo lo que habÃa pasado. Éste se baja muy rápido y va tras la pantera para chismearle todo lo que vio. Al escuchar aquello, la pantera, muy enojada, le ordena al mono:
Súbete, vamos con ese maldito perro para ver quién se come a quién.
El sabueso se da cuenta que la pantera viene, con el simio trepado, dispuesta a todo. En un instante, el perro adivina que el chango fue con el chisme pero en lugar de correr, se da la vuelta como si no hubiera visto nada. Cuando la pantera ya lo iba a atacar, el perro se queja:
¡Pinche chango, ya tiene como media hora que lo mandé por otra pantera y el cabrón todavÃa no regresa!
21
Feb
A guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: Whats the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: Youll need a new power supply.
User: No, I dont! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. Youll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup files and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
Ten minutes later, the User is still adamant that they are right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We dont normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.
Ten minutes later.
User: It didnt work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: Thats your problem there. That version of DOS didnt come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.
One hour later.
User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isnt compatible with NOSMOKE.
21
Feb
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours. – Milton Berle