[Forwarded by my friend Rick; original author unknown.]
Your Starship Captain just might be a redneck if…
your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month
he paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles
you have a shuttle called Billy Joe Bob
he refers to Klingons as Critters
he refers to Photon Torpedoes as Popguns
he has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil
he installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section
he says, Got your ears on, good buddy instead of open hailing
frequencies
he hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen
he rewires his communicator into his belt buckle
he keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it
he says, Yee-Ha! instead of Engage
he has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser
he insists on calling his executive officer Bubba
he sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of Bassmaster
he programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens
he paints the starship John Deere green
he refers to a Pulsar as a Blue Light Special
he refers to the Mutara Nebula as a swamp
his moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale
he sings Lucille instead of Kathleen
his idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls
he wears mirrored shades on the Bridge
his idea of a gas giant is that big ol XO Bubba after a meal of beans
and weenies
he sets phaser to Cajun