A young lady had just emerged from a hot bath when the door bell rang. Dripping wet, she ran to the door and called out I cant let you in – Ive just got out of the bath.
Thats all right lady, said the voice from the other side of the door. Im a blind salesman.
All right, then, said the young lady and opened the door.
Thanks, said the man. Where shall I put the blinds?
Q. How does every ethnic joke start?
A. By looking over your shoulder.
Seems there was a young soldier, who, just before battle, told his sergeant that he didnt have a rifle.
Thats no problem, son, said the sergeant. Here, take this broom. Just point it at the Germans, and go Bangety Bang Bang.
But what about a bayonet, Sarge? asked the young (and gullible) recruit.
The sergeant pulls a piece of straw from the end of the broom, and attaches it to the handle end. Here, use this … just go, Stabity Stab Stab.
The recruit ends up alone on the battlefield, holding just his broom. Suddenly, a German soldier charges at him. The recruit points the broom. Bangety Bang Bang! The German falls dead.
More Germans appear. The recruit, amazed at his good luck, goes Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab! He mows down the enemy by the dozens. Finally, the battlefield is clear, except for one German soldier walking slowly toward him.
Bangety Bang Bang! shouts the recruit. The German keeps coming.
Bangety Bang Bang! repeats the recruit, to no avail. He gets desperate. Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab! Its no use.
The German keeps coming. He stomps the recruit into the ground, and says … Tankety Tank Tank.
Bill Clinton, Hillary Ramrod Clinton, Al Gore, and Tipper Gore are flying aboard Air Force 1 on their way to visit the Communists to share their success stories about taxing Americans.
Bill: Why dont I throw this hundred dollar bill out the window and make someone very happy.
Hillary: Well, why dont you throw ten hundred dollar bills out the window and make ten people happy.
Al: Why dont you two jump out the window and make me and Tipper happy.
Tipper: Why dont we all jump out the window and make everybody throughout the United States and world happy.
Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com
La profesora quiere tomarle el pelo a sus alumnos y les dice:
Voy a hacer dos preguntas, pero el que conteste bien la primera, no deberá contestar la segunda. A ver, ¿cuántos pelos tienen los caballos en el lomo?
Jaimito responde rápidamente: Sesenta y dos mil quinientos treinta y cinco.
¿Y tú cómo puedes saberlo?
¡Ah! Esa ya es la segunda pregunta.
Yo mama so skinny, I gave her a red hat and a fake mustache and people called her Paper Mario.
Bush is my shepherd, I shall be in want. He leadeth me beside the still factories, He maketh me to lie down on park benches, He restoreth my doubts about the Republican party, He guideth me onto the paths of unemployment for the partys sake. I do fear the evildoers, for thou talkst about them constantly. Thy tax cuts for the rich and thy deficit spending They do discomfort me. Thou anointeth me with never-ending debt, And my savings and assets shall soon be gone. Surely poverty and hard living shall follow me, And my jobless children shall dwell in my basement forever.
Knock knock Whos there? KatmanduKatmandu who? Katmandu what Catwoman wants!
If a child annoys you, quiet him by brushing his hair.
If this doesnt work, use the other side of the brush on the other end of the child.
WINDOWS PROBLEM
Im wondering if anybody can help me with a problem Im having on my computer at work.
I recently upgraded to Windows 95 from Windows 3.14159, and Ive noticed that whenever Im running WordWanker Version 2.0.9.4 (which I upgraded from 1.8.4.7) in conjunction with FaxBuddy! Version 4.2.4.3.7857, everything works fine for about the first 25 minutes, but then if I try to type the passive plupefect subjunctive form of the verb procreate (or any of its slang equivalents) the keyboard locks up permanently and the hard drive makes a whimpering sound and all current data is erased, including data in computers several cubicles away. I have tried everything, including reformatting my hard drive and exorcism.
Please help!!!
REPLY TO: WINDOWS PROBLEM
I had exactly the same problem, and after a lot of trial and error I found out that if you click on the Windows Control Panel, then on Command Center, then on Reset Variables, then on Establish New Parameters, then on Define Standards, then on Modify Criteria, then on Effectuate Paradigms, then on the little icon labeled Do Not Ever Click On This Little Icon then go down to the box that says Enter New Value, and type in 2038, you will still have the same problem.
This is why my doctor tripled my Prozac dosage.
Its so nice to have a president who can play Santa without padding
Im sorry, Miss. Theres no Paula Jones on the guest list
You make an adorable elf, Mr. Stephanopolous
Hey, who invited Nipsey Russell?
So what are you doing to pass the time these days, Ms. Elders?
Stand back – Gores gonna do a cannonball into the eggnog
Ive never seen a wreath made of French fries before
Check it out! A bullet just shattered my punch glass!
See if Jimmy Carter can go negotiate us another keg of brew!
This party sucks – lets go to Newts