Old and New Jokes

Introducing the new Bio-Optic Organized Knowledge device, trade-named – BOOK.

BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. Its so easy to use, even a child can operate it.

Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere – even sitting in an armchair by the fire – yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM disc.

Heres how it works:

BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information. The pages are locked together with a custom-fit device called a binder which keeps the sheets in their correct sequence.

Opaque Paper Technology (OPT) allows manufacturers to use both sides of the sheet, doubling the information density and cutting costs. Experts are divided on the prospects for further increases in information density; for now, BOOKS with more information simply use more pages. Each sheet is scanned optically, registering information directly into your brain. A flick of the finger takes you to the next sheet.

BOOK may be taken up at any time and used merely by opening it.

BOOK never crashes or requires rebooting, though, like other devices, it can become damaged if coffee is spilled on it and it becomes unusable if dropped too many times on a hard surface. The browse feature allows you to move instantly to any sheet, and move forward or backward as you wish. Many come with an index feature, which pin-points the exact location of any selected information for instant retrieval.

An optional BOOKmark accessory allows you to open BOOK to the exact place you left it in a previous session – even if the BOOK has been closed. BOOKmarks fit universal design standards; thus, a single BOOKmark can be used in BOOKs by various manufacturers. Conversely, numerous BOOK markers can be used in a single BOOK if the user wants to store numerous views at once. The number is limited only by the number of pages in the BOOK. You can also make personal notes next to BOOK text entries with optional programming tools, Portable Erasable Nib Cryptic Intercommunication Language Styli (PENCILS).

Portable, durable, and affordable, BOOK is being hailed as a precursor of a new entertainment wave. BOOKs appeal seems so certain that thousands of content creators have committed to the platform and investors are reportedly flocking to invest. Look for a flood of new titles soon.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

Im not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

I am in shape. Rounds a shape!

Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster is a maniac.

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then its you.

Future historians will be able to study at the Gerald Ford Library; the Jimmy Carter Library; the Ronald Reagan Library and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, Thats not it and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: Thats it.

It sticks to the map!

After completing a jigsaw puzzle he had been working on for quite some time, Laloo proudly shows off his puzzle to a friend.

It took me only 5 months to do it,
Laloo brags

Five months? Thats too long, the friend exclaims.

You are a fool, Laloo replies See this Carton, it is written, for 4 – 7 years

Dear Dad, $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$, and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply cant think of anything I need. $o you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love,Your $on Dear Son, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task. You can never study eNOugh. Love, Dad —

I can tell by your accent that yere Irish. Pray tell, what part o Ireland ye from?Im from Dublin the man replied.Are ye now? Well, it just so happens Im from Dublin meself. Where bouts did ye grow up?I grew up on the south side, near Malcolm Street. said the second man.Well kiss my Blarney Stone! said the first, I grew up on Malcolm Street meself. Tell me, did ye go to school around there?Aye, I went to St. Agnes.Faith and Begorrah! I went to St. Agnes meself. What yeard ye graduate?I was in the class o 67Well aint this a small world! said the first man I graduated in 1967 meselfAbout this time another man walks in and sits down at the opposite end of the bar and orders a drink. As the bartender take him his usual he says:Evening, Mike, you know its gonna be a long night when the OMalley twins get drunk.

Q. How many right-to-lifers does it take to change a light bulb? A. Three. Two to screw it in, and one to confirm that light began while they were screwing.

Youve ever shoplifted Spam.

You dont understand why Bo and Luke never tried to get it on with Daisy.

Your son has ever stolen disected frogs from Biology class so that your family wont go hungry.

Yo mama so dirty that you cant tell where the dirt stops and she begins.