04
Dec

En medio de una tormenta,

En medio de una tormenta, una tortuguita pierde su concha y desesperada va donde su abuela:

Abuelita, tengo un problema, ¿me dejas cobijarme de la tormenta en tu concha?

La abuela se niega rotundamente. La tortuguita parte donde sus hermanos:

Hermanos míos, perdí mi concha y estoy en problemas, ¿me dejan cobijarme de la tormenta en su concha?

Al igual que la abuela, los hermanos se niegan. Como último recurso parte donde su madre:

Madre mía, ¿me dejas cobijarme bajo tu concha?

Con voz materna, la madre responde:

¡Claro, hija mía!

MORALEJA:

Cuando tengas problemas, ándate a la concha de tu madre.

04
Dec

Who needs women

A man walks into the bar and orders 2 shots of whiskey and the man drinks one and pours the other shot in his hand, the man did this 3 times before the bartender finally asks him —-why is it you drink 1 shot and pour the other in your hand.



The man replies, Im getting my girl friend drunk!

04
Dec

If a word is misspelled

If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

04
Dec

Real signs

A large department store here had a sign in its jewellery section:

EARS PIERCED: – WHILE YOU WAIT

Like, whats the alternative? Leave your ears and collect them next Thursday?

There is a nice pair of signs in Crown St, Sydney (look for them if you come for the 2000 Olympics), which are two awning type signs which hang out over the footpath.

One is for a funeral parlour, the other is for a chicken processing factory next door.

If you walk up Crown Street, from a distance you can see the funeral parlour sign and below it the bottom of the chicken factory sign.

From that point, they appear to be one sign which reads

VALUE FUNERALS

Freshly killed daily on our premises

04
Dec

New techonology called BOOK

Introducing the new Bio-Optic Organized Knowledge device, trade-named – BOOK.

BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. Its so easy to use, even a child can operate it.

Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere – even sitting in an armchair by the fire – yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM disc.

Heres how it works:

BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information. The pages are locked together with a custom-fit device called a binder which keeps the sheets in their correct sequence.

Opaque Paper Technology (OPT) allows manufacturers to use both sides of the sheet, doubling the information density and cutting costs. Experts are divided on the prospects for further increases in information density; for now, BOOKS with more information simply use more pages. Each sheet is scanned optically, registering information directly into your brain. A flick of the finger takes you to the next sheet.

BOOK may be taken up at any time and used merely by opening it.

BOOK never crashes or requires rebooting, though, like other devices, it can become damaged if coffee is spilled on it and it becomes unusable if dropped too many times on a hard surface. The browse feature allows you to move instantly to any sheet, and move forward or backward as you wish. Many come with an index feature, which pin-points the exact location of any selected information for instant retrieval.

An optional BOOKmark accessory allows you to open BOOK to the exact place you left it in a previous session – even if the BOOK has been closed. BOOKmarks fit universal design standards; thus, a single BOOKmark can be used in BOOKs by various manufacturers. Conversely, numerous BOOK markers can be used in a single BOOK if the user wants to store numerous views at once. The number is limited only by the number of pages in the BOOK. You can also make personal notes next to BOOK text entries with optional programming tools, Portable Erasable Nib Cryptic Intercommunication Language Styli (PENCILS).

Portable, durable, and affordable, BOOK is being hailed as a precursor of a new entertainment wave. BOOKs appeal seems so certain that thousands of content creators have committed to the platform and investors are reportedly flocking to invest. Look for a flood of new titles soon.

04
Dec

Andy Rooney Quotes

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

Im not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

I am in shape. Rounds a shape!

Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster is a maniac.

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then its you.

Future historians will be able to study at the Gerald Ford Library; the Jimmy Carter Library; the Ronald Reagan Library and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

04
Dec

Thats it

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, Thats not it and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: Thats it.

04
Dec

How does a cactus travel?

It sticks to the map!

04
Dec

Laloo with a jigsaw puzzle

After completing a jigsaw puzzle he had been working on for quite some time, Laloo proudly shows off his puzzle to a friend.

It took me only 5 months to do it,
Laloo brags

Five months? Thats too long, the friend exclaims.

You are a fool, Laloo replies See this Carton, it is written, for 4 – 7 years

04
Dec

Letter from College

Dear Dad, $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$, and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply cant think of anything I need. $o you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love,Your $on Dear Son, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task. You can never study eNOugh. Love, Dad —