Old and New Jokes

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Paris!
Paris who?
Paris the thought!

Arbitrator ar-bi-tray-ter: A cook that leaves Arbys to work at McDonalds.

Avoidable uh-voy-duh-buhl: What a bullfighter tries to do.

Baloney uh-lo-nee: Where some hemlines fall.

Port – Where the commercial fishing boats dock

En algún restaurante de la ciudad, entra un hombre a comer. Se le acerca el mesero y le pregunta que se va a servir. El hombre le contesta, Deme la cuchara por favor.

El mesero, asombrado, se la entrega, y el hombre la huele y le dice: Hay arroz con pollo, ¿verdad?

El mesero se asombra y le dice que sí y le sirve el plato.

Al día siguiente, entra el mismo hombre al restaurante, y le pide nuevamente la cuchara al mesero, éste se la da, el hombre la huele y le dice: Hay arroz con menestra, ¿verdad?

El mesero le dice que sí y le sirve el plato. Al otro día el mesero ve que el hombre va a entrar al restaurante y le pide a Mechita que se pase la cuchara por la vagina. Cuando se sienta el hombre, el mesero le dice: La cuchara, ¿verdad?

Cuando el hombre la huele dice: Mesero, aquí trabaja Mechita ¿verdad?

Yo Moma so fat, when you get on top of her, your ears



pop.



Yo Moma so fat, when she has sex, she has to give



directions.



Yo Momaso fat, she has a refrigerator strapped to her



waist, and it looks like a pager.



Yo Momaso fat, she was floating in the ocean and Spain



claimed her for their new world.



Yo Momaso fat, she sat on the beach and Green peace threw



her in.



Yo Momaso fat, when I climbed up on top of her, I burned



my ass on the light bulb.



Yo Momaso fat, she cant even jump to a conclusion.



Yo Momaso fat, shes moving the Earth out of its orbit.



Yo Momaso fat, she has 48 midnight snacks.



Yo Momaso fat, she plays pool with the planets.



Yo Momaso fat, she made Richard Simmons cry.



Yo Momaso fat, when she went to get a water bed, they



put a blanket across Lake Michigan.



Yo Momaso fat, she dont know whether shes walking or



rolling.



Yo Momaso fat, she makes sumo wrestlers look anorexic.

Q: Why doesnt money grow on trees?

A: Because the banks control all of the branches.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Kendall!
Kendall who?
Kendall and Barbie go together!

A man was approached by co-worker at lunch who invited him out for a few beers after work. The man said that his wife would never go for it, that she does not allow him to go drinking with the guys after work. The co-worker suggested a way to overcome that problem: When you get home tonight, sneak into the house, slide down under the sheets, gently pull down your wifes panties, and give her oral sex. Women love it, and believe me, shell never mention that you were out late with the boys.

So the man agreed to try it, and went out and enjoyed himself. Late that night, he sneaked into the house, slid down under the sheets, gently slid down his wifes panties, and gave her oral sex. She moaned and groaned with pleasure, but after a little while, he realized he had to take a leak, so he told he hed be right back, got out of bed and walked down the hall to the bathroom. When he opened the door and went in, he was very surprised to see his wife sitting on the toliet.

How did you get in here so fast? he asked.

Shhhhh!!! she replied, youll wake-up my mother!

Why cant girls play hockey?

Because they have to change their pads every period!

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