Un tipo llega temprano a la casa y al ir al dormitorio encuentra a su mujer desnuda en la cama y con su mejor amigo, Raúl. Muy molesto empieza a gritarles:
Laura, no lo puedo creer. Yo te he dado todo, nunca te ha faltado nada, nunca te he
engañado con otra y me haces esto con mi mejor amigo. Y tu Raúl, hemos sido amigos
toda la vida y jamás pensé que me pudieras hacer esto. ¡Pero Raúl!…¡Raúl!… ¡Coñoooo!,
¿pueden parar un momento?
Manual de buenos modales ante una felación.(Escrito por las mujeres).
1.- Lo primero y más importante: no estamos obligadas a chupártela. Asà que si lo hacemos, sé agradecido.
2.- No me importa lo qué viste en el vÃdeo porno, lo común no es correrse en la cara de la chica.
Apostilla al punto número 2: No, tampoco me lo tengo que tragar.
3.- Mis orejas no son asideros.
4.- No me empujes la cabeza. Mi garganta tiene una capacidad limitada. ¿Acaso quieres que te vomite en el pito?
5.- No me importa lo mucho que te relajes, no está bien tirarse pedos.
6.- Que tenga la regla no quiere decir que sea la semana de las mamadas. Que te entre en la cabeza: estoy congestionada y hecha polvo. Asà que no me siento particularmente obligada a chupártela sólo porque tú no puedas coger ahora.
7.- Decir que te duelen los huevos por el calentón, puede que haya funcionado en la escuela, pero ya no. Si estás tan desesperado, hazte una puñeta y déjame en paz con mi Syncol.
8.- Si paro un momento para quitarme tu vello púbico de ente mis dientes, no me digas que lo eché a perder.
9.- Dejarme en la cama para ir a jugar videojuegos inmediatamente después, no es nada recomendable para que mi comportamiento (mamada) se repita en el futuro.
10.- Si te gusta cómo lo hago, lo mejor no es especular acerca del origen de mi talento. Simplemente disfruta el momento y alégrate de que sea tan buena. Recuerda lo de ser agradecido en el punto 1.
11.- No, no sabe particularmente bien. Y no me importa el aporte nutritivo de sus proteÃnas.
12.- No, no lo haré mientras ves la tele.
13.- Cuando oigas a tus amigos quejarse de que no se la chupan lo suficiente, mantén la boquita cerrada. No es apropiado ni compadecerse ni vacilar ante ellos.
14.- Porque se te ponga dura todas las mañanas, eso no significa que tenga que darle un besito de buenos dÃas.
A guy walks into a bar and sits down. He starts dialing numbers… like a telephone… on his hand and talking into his hand. The bartender walks over and tells him this is a very tough neighborhood and he doesnt need any trouble here.
The guy says, You dont understand. Im very hi-tech. I had a phone installed in my hand because I was tired of carrying the cellular.
The bartender says Prove it.
The guy dials up a number and hands his hand to the bartender. The bartender talks into the hand and carries on a conversation. Thats incredible, says the bartender… I would never have believed it!
Yeah, said the guy, I can keep in touch with my broker, my wife, you name it. By the way, where is the mens room? The bartender directs him to the mens room. The guy goes in and 5, 10, 20 minutes go by and he doesnt return.
Fearing the worst given the neighborhood, the bartender goes into the mens room. There is the guy spread-eagle on the wall. His pants are pulled down and he has a roll of toilet paper up his butt.
Oh my god! said the bartender. Did they rob you? Are you hurt?
The guy turns and says: No, Im ok. Im just waiting for a fax.
A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
Bholaji ( to doctor ) : Doctor, I have a problem.
Doctor : Whats your problem?
Bholaji : I keep forgetting things.
Doctor : Since when do you have this problem?
Bholaji : What problem?
What did the lima bean say before it went into the pot?Sufferin succotash!
(From hpwrc!hplabs!sun!plato!janos)
According to several press reports, the new drug of choice is
licking toads.
What a great lead!!
Yes, Bufo Alvirus (Sonoran desert toad to you simple folk) secretes
(a sweating toad?) bufotinine which doesnt do damn for the toad, but
makes humans feel very high indeed.
Says the Examiner story: If you tried to lick this toad, it would
be a felonious act.
No report to date mentions what the toad turns into when you lick it.
Why not milk the toads and mix the stuff with something nice?
The head of DEAs western regional laboratory is not concerned:
Its too nasty to screw around with, he said. And youre going
to have to come up with a lot of toads to compete with cocaine and
marijuana.
The Berkeley police chief was suspicious because he knew of no
occurance of bufotinine use in Berkeley: If it happened anywhere, itd
be here, he said.
Now you know.
Every womans a 10. It just depends upon which base youre counting in.
There is an 80 year old virgin who suddenly gets an itch in her crotch area. She goes to the doctor who checks her out and tells her she has crabs. She explained that she couldnt have crabs because she was a virgin, but the doctor didnt believe her, so she went to get a second opinion.
The second doctor gave her the same answer. So she went to a third doctor and said Please help me. This itch is killing me and I know that I dont have crabs because Im a virgin.
The doctor checks her out and says I have good news and bad news. The good news is you dont have crabs, the bad news is that your cherry rotted and you have fruit flies.
A ventriloquist had just finished his polack joke routine when a huge, drunk polack confronted him, Im sick of your polack jokes and Im going to knock the shit out of you. Im sorry, it was all in good fun, replied the comedian. The polack retorted, I was talking to little asshole on your knee."