08
Oct

Middle-aged businessman with a young wife

A middle-aged businessman took a young woman half his age as his wife. The fantasy of having a young woman in his bed soon became a nightmare when he found that he could not last long enough to satisfy his young bride. His wife, as understanding as she was exciting, told him that all was well even if he was quick to get out of the saddle. Determined to satisfy this sweet young thing, the man visited the doctor to get some advice.

Doctor, I cant seem to hold back for very long when I make love to my young wife and I cant satisfy her. What can I do?

The doctor smiled, patted him on the shoulder, and said in a professional manner, Try a bit of self-stimulation before having intercourse with your wife and youll find that youll last longer and ultimately satisfy her.

Okay, Doctor. If you think that will help.

Later that afternoon, his young bride called him at work to let him know that she would be attacking him at the front door when he arrived home. Be prepared, my darling, Im going to ravish you, she cooed over the phone.

Undaunted, the man decided to follow the doctors advice. But where? In the office? The Xerox room? What if someone walked in on him? He got in his truck and began the journey home. Soon he decided he would find a spot on the road to pull over, climb under the truck and pretend to be inspecting the rear axle, and do the deed there. A moment later, he pulled over, crawled beneath the truck, closed his eyes tightly, fantasized about his young wife, and began his therapy.

A few minutes later, just as he was about to complete his therapy session, he felt someone tugging on his pants leg. Keeping his eyes tightly shut to avoid ruining the fantasy he was enjoying, he said, Yes?

Sir, Im with the Police Department. Could you tell me what you are doing, please?

Yes, officer, Im inspecting my trucks rear axle, he replied confidently.

Well, you shouldve checked the brakes, your truck rolled down the hill a few minutes ago.

08
Oct

Tattoo on penis

In a sunny day one man takes his car, goes to a tattoing laboratory and asks for a tattoo representing the name of his girlfriend, Wendy. The man knows precisely where he wants his tattoo.

Owing to the particular request the tattoo-maker needs the man to have an erection, and, after some trouble, he is able to do his work, so he writes Wendy and gets his money.

Some days later the same man goes to his gymnasium and after sporting activity he is going to have a shower. While washing, he can see, rather obviously, only the letters W,Y (WendY) on his penis. But he gets stuck when he sees another man with W,Y on his best friend.

So he gets interested and asks him: I think you too decided to have a tattoo with the name of your girlfriend. My girls name is Wendy. I think your girl also has this name. What a coincidence. Isnt it?

The other man shows a big idiotic and cheerful smile and says:

But what are you thinking! What Wendy! Ha ha ha! I cant believe it! Wendy! Ha ha ha! My tattoo is Welcome to Marlboro country, what Wendy??? See you…

07
Oct

Question and answer Clinton joke

Q: Did you hear that the Clintons had Air Force 1 remodeled?
A: Now its got two left wings.

07
Oct

Christmas tree better

Reasons Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman

A Christmas tree doesnt care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past.

A Christmas tree doesnt care if you have an artificial one in the closet.

07
Oct

Una seora entra en una

Una señora entra en una armería y dice:

Quiero una escopeta para mi marido.

¿Y él le ha dicho de qué calibre?

¿Qué dice? ¡Si él ni siquiera sabe que le voy a disparar!

07
Oct

The Better Bull

This couple goes to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon, & are watching the auctioning off of bulls.

The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off: A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year.



The wife nudges her husband in the ribs, & comments, See! That was more than 5 times a month!



The second bull is to be sold: Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year.



Again the wife bugs her husband, Hey, thats some 10 times a month. What do YOU say to that?!



Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison.



The third bull is up for sale: And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 365 times last year!



The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells, Thats once a day, every day of the year! How about YOU?!



The husband was pretty irritated by now, & yells back, Sure, once a day! But ask the auctioneer if they were all with the same cow!!


07
Oct

Everybody should believe in something,

Everybody should believe in something, I believe Ill have another beer.

07
Oct

Wisdom consists of knowing when

Wisdom consists of knowing when to avoid perfection.

07
Oct

A closed mouth gathers no

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

07
Oct

Down and dirty!

A lady on vacation took a stroll through the woods.
Suddenly a little white duck, all covered with poop, crossed her path.

Oh, my, exclaimed the lady, Come on, Ill clean you!
She took a Kleenex from her purse and cleaned the little critter.

She walked a little farther and another duck, with poop all over it, crossed her way. Again she took a Kleenex and cleaned the little bird.

Then she encountered a third duck, with the same problem.
And for the third time, she acted like a Florence Nightingale.

She walked on still farther and she heard a voice from the bushes calling… Pssssst…Hey, lady!

Yes? she responded.
Do you have a Kleenex? asked the voice from the bushes.

No, not anymore, she answered.
Damn! Have ya seen any Ducks?