Old and New Jokes

Remember the tea kettle; though up to its neck in hot water, it continues to sing.

Achesons Rule Of The Bureaucracy: A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer. – Dean Acheson

Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the Ws.

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves,
for they shall never cease to be amused.

yo mama soooo poor she went to the dollar tree and put a $0.99,5 pack of gum on lay-a-way.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are crossing an enchanted bridge in Magical Fairyland when they run into a fairy. The fairy says that they can be granted a transformation if they jump off the bridge and call out their wish. The brunette immediately jumps off the bridge and yells "Eagle!" She turns into a beautiful bird of prey and flies away. The redhead jumps off the bridge and yells out "Salmon!" She turns into a gorgeous shimmering salmon and swims upstream to spawn. The blonde is at this point so excited that she jumps off the bridge without thinking of her wish. She panics.
"Crap!"

Yo momma is so fat she dont have periods, she has exclamtion points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There were three blondes living together. Blonde #1 was coming back from grocery shopping, and she dropped her keys. She walked down the stairs to get them, and she said to herself, Am I going up the stairs or down the stairs? So, she stood there puzzled, the bags of groceries still in her hands. Blonde #2 was taking a bath, and was draining the tub because it was too cold. With her hair still dry, she said to herself, Was I getting in the tub or out of the tub? She stood there, just thinking about it. Blonde #3 was sitting in the living room in front of the coffee table, and she said to herself, Knock on wood Im not as stupid as the other two! She knocked the table. Was that the front door or the back door?

– 100 people who dont do dick!

Dont ya just love the holidays, when everyone is just so full of the spirit of the season and joy and good will towards men? As a plain old country boy now living in the big city, I wanted to share the warmth and joy I felt with all these nice city folk.

The other day I went to the local religious book store, to locate something to share with others, and while I couldnt find any with a Christmas theme, I saw a Honk if You Love Jesus bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car; tell yall what, Im really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed.

I was stopped at a light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the upcoming Holidays and all, and didnt notice that the light had changed. That bumper sticker really worked! I easily found several people who loved Jesus. Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy. He must really love the Lord because, he leaned out his window and even yelled, Jesus Christ!!! as loud as he could.

Others started honking, too, so I leaned out my window and waved and smiled to all of those loving people. There must have been a guy from Florida back there because I could hear him yelling something about a sunny beach, and saw him waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.

Luckily, I had just asked my two kids just the other week what that meant. They kind of squirmed, looked at each other, and told me that it was the Hawaiian good luck sign. I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. What a joy to share.

Several cars behind, a very nice black man stepped out of his car and yelled something. I couldnt hear him very well, but it sounded like, Mother trucker. How nice that that industry is finally accepting women drivers and all. What joyful times we live in.

Then I noticed that the light had changed, and stepped on the gas. And a good thing I did, because I was the only one to get across the intersection. I looked back at them, leaned way out the window, gave them a big smile and held up the Hawaiian good luck sign, as I drove away. Praise the Lord. I drove on, my faith renewed for being able to share my Holiday joy with such wonderful folks.

Tell ya what yall. Until all this happened, I thought that City of Brotherly Love stuff was just that – stuff! May you all find ways to share and express the spirit of the season just like I did.