Old and New Jokes

Once Banta Singh goes to dinner with his friends.Just to have some fun one of his friends asks Banta, How many Idlis can you eat when your stomach is empty?. For which Banta answers promptly – 8 idlis.
His friends laugh at him and say,nobody can eat 8 idlis when their stomach is empty because when they eat the first idli their stomach would no longer be empty.

Banta enjoys the joke very much and as soon as he comes home calls his wife and asks, How many idlis can you eat when your stomach is empty?. She replies – 5 idlis.

Hearing this answer Banta gets furious and replies, You fool! Had you said 8 idlis I would have told you a good joke!

This guy walks up to this movie house with a chicken under his arm. He asked for a ticket. The lady at the counter told him that the chicken was not allowed in the movie house. He said You dont understand! The chicken goes everywhere with me! She told him again that the chicken wasnt allowed so he walked over to a nearby alley. He quickly stuffed the chicken down his pants.

He runs and buys a ticket and sits down.

These two girls come in later and sit by him because they thought he was cute. It was an R rated show. He starts watching the movie. He suddenly remembers

the chicken. He unzips he pants and the chicken heads comes out so it can breathe. The girl next to him taps her hand on her shoulder. The guy next to me is playing with himself!

She replied Just ignore it. I just saw a girl flash her boobs on screen, its kinda a sexy movie just forget about it! A little while later she taps on her friend again. He playing with himself again!!! She replies I told you not to pay any attention! She tells her in a gruff voice, But its eating my popcorn!!!!!

You might be a redneck if…
Youve ever been too drunk to fish.

Person 1: I met a man with a wooden leg named Smith.Person 2: What was the name of his other leg?

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Randy!
Randy who?
Randy four minute mile!

Q: Men will brag that there are women waiting by the phone at this very moment for their call. Who are these women?
A: Women working at 900 numbers.

A blonde lady was driving down the road injoying the sceenery and the breeze in her hair when she saw another blonde woman sitting in a row boat in the middle of a field of wheat, rowwing. Hitting hard on the brakes, she spun the car aound and drove back to the woman in the boat. Slamming her car door she stomps over to the edge of the wheat field and yelled It is stupid people like you that give blondes a bad name! And if I could swim, I would come out there and give you what for!

En un bus a la hora que va más lleno, la gente va como sardinas en lata y una chica le dice a un tipo:

Por favor, ¿se podría apartar un poco? Tiene usted algo duro dentro del pantalón que me está apretando el muslo.

Oh, perdón, es que llevo el sobre con mi paga… Y la chica le contesta:

Usted debe tener un trabajo muy bueno, porque le han aumentado el sueldo como tres veces desde la última parada.

There are three construction workers on top of a building having lunch. One Italian, one Polak, and one Oriental.

The Italian has a meatball hero, the Oriental has noodles, and the Polak has knockwurst. The Italian and the Oriental are tired of having the same lunches everyday. The Italian says that if he gets a meatball hero the next day that he will throw it off the building. The Oriental says that if he gets noodles tommorow he will also throw it off the building. The Polak says that if he gets knockwurst tommorow he will throw it off the building.

Sure enough the Italian and Oriental workers open their lunch-boxes and they find that they have a meatball hero and noodles respectively. They both throw their lunches off the building. The Polak then throws his sandwich off the building.

The other guys ask him how he knew that it was knockwurst again without even looking.

He responded by saying, Because I pack my own lunch.

A Frenchman, an Italian and an American were discussing love-making.

Last night I made love to my wife three times boasted the Frenchman. She was in sheer ecstasy this morning…

Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times, the Italian responded, and this morning she made me a wonderful omelette and told me she could never love another man.

When the American remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?

Once. he replied.

Only once? the Italian arrogantly snorted. And what did she say to you this morning?

Dont stop.