04
Jun

Cul es el verdadero nmero

¿Cuál es el verdadero número de la bestia?

660: el número de la Bestia… aproximadamente.

DCLXVI: el número de la Bestia romana.

0,666: el número de la MiliBestia.

/ 666: denominador común bestial.

666-1: número imaginario de la Bestia.

1010011010: número de la Bestia binaria.

6, mmm… ¿me lo puede repetir? (una modelo Bestia)

1-600: característica telefónica de la Bestia.

0666: código postal de la Bestia.

0-600-1-0666: la Hot-Line de la Bestia.

$6,66: valor por minuto de la Hot-Line de la Bestia.

$665,95: precio de la Bestia al contado, o 12 cuotas de $66,60.

$710,35: precio de la Bestia más I.V.A.

6,66%: impuesto al valor agregado Bestial.(I.V.A.)

$806,66: precio de la Bestia con accesorios y gastos de envío.

$506,66: precio de la Bestia… sin factura.

Ruta 666: el camino de la Bestia.

6,66 mg: dosis mínima diaria de la Bestia.

Lotus 6-6-6: base de datos de la Bestia.

Word 6.66: procesador de texto para Bestias.

i66686: el CPU Bestial. En vez de Pentium, Pandemónium.

666i: el BMW de la Bestia.

333: Medio Bestia.

600: Fiat de la Bestia cuando era joven.

666 kg: un gordo bestial.

Rocky 666: la saga cinematográfica bestial.

6+6=6: ¡Pero qué Bestia!

Seis, Sex, Sexo… las Bestias solo piensan en eso.

04
Jun

Conflict of Interest

Having lawyers create laws is like have doctors create diseases!

04
Jun

Mixup

A woman went to the doctors office for a physical. The doctor took a blood sample and told her to return in one week for the results.



One week later, she and her husband returned to the doctors office. The doctor took the husband aside and told him, Sir, Im afraid I have some bad news. We accidentally mixed your wifes blood sample with another patients, and we have no idea whose is whose. The bad news is one has Alzheimers disease, and the other has AIDS. I want you to come back in another week and by then I should have it all sorted out.



The man looked scared and said, Thats terrible, doc, what should I do until then?



Well, when youre driving home today, drop her off two blocks away from your house. If she makes it home, dont have sex with her!


04
Jun

Things To Do To Your Roommate

Take all the chip bags… open them… lick all the chips of their flavor and put them back in the bag…



hide one of their shoes every day for about a week…



Keep your room real messy for a few weeks. Clean it while your roommate is out. Leave before they come back. Arrive after them and then angrily accuse them of cleaning up your room.



Take all of the hair out of their brush and stick it to the wall with scotch tape.



Insist on cleaning their fingernails for them every night.



Crumple empty chip bags the whole time your roommate is home.



Make a shine dedicated to them.



Whistle one line of a song and repeat it for 3 days, then pick a new line.



Play Scottish music 24 hours a day full blast.



Every night at midnight, stick your head out the window and scream GO AWAY MONSTERS! GO AWAY! Do this every night for 6 weeks.



Sniff their underwear while theyre still wearing it.



Buy fish and a fish tank. Dye the water with food coloring. Talk to the fish and giggle often while staring at your roommate.



Tie all your socks up in knots. Hang them from the ceiling. Count them every time you walk in the room.



Every time your roommate walks in the room, shake their hand and smile sweetly. If they refuse, wipe the smile off your face, clench your teeth and growl whenever they walk in the room for the next two weeks.



Watch test patterns.



Collect bottles of colored water on the floor. Refuse to discuss them.



Buy lots of slinkys and hang them from your ceiling while humming Its Slinky, its Slinky…



Buy lots of pictures. Hang them up upside down. Stand on your head to look at them.



Tack candy wrappers on your walls.

04
Jun

Gilbs Laws Of Unreliability:

Gilbs Laws Of Unreliability: 1) At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer. 2) Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable. 3) Udetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited. 4) Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the probable cost of errors, or until someone insists on getting some useful work done.

04
Jun

And the angel of the

And the angel of the Lord said unto the shepherds

Shove off, this is cattle country!

04
Jun

The Sermon!

A minister gave a talk to the Lions Club on sex.

When he got home he couldnt tell his wife that he had spoken on sex, so he said he had discussed horseback riding with the members.

A few days later, she ran into some men at the shopping center and they complimented her on the speech her husband had made.

She said, Yes, I heard. I was surprised about the subject matter, as hes only tried it twice.

The first time he got so sore he could hardly walk, and the second time he fell off!

04
Jun

Getting down under

An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man who has never been with a woman sexually.

After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad.

She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian Outback, and after a long-distance courtship, they decide to get married.

On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the festivities. When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner.

What happened? she asks.

Ive never been with a woman, he says. But if its anything like screwing a kangaroo Im gonna need all the room I can get!

04
Jun

Man Need

A man can actually cater to a womans every need, so long as all that she wants is to have sex, go to ball games, and bring him a beer.

04
Jun

Cleaning of the telephone lines

The following is taken from a Telephone Subscriber News Release dated January 14, 2002. Unfortunately, it has been determined that many computer users have not received this notice; therefore, I am forwarding it to you as a public service.

As you may have heard, the telephone company has been experiencing problems lately with busy signals, noise on the line, etc. They have determined that only an emergency cleaning of the lines will resolve these problems.

This maintenance has been scheduled for next Sunday (January 24, 2002), beginning at 6:00 A.M., and lasting most of the morning hours. (Strange, they usually do this operation right at the beginning of April).

PREPARE NOW FOR THIS MAINTENANCE OPERATION.

A lot of dust comes from the phones when the phone company cleans the lines. They usually send notices warning us to put plastic bags over the phones.

Telephone wires are like heater ducts, little empty tubes that carry your voices vibrations to the person youre calling. When the phone company cleans them, they send little cockroaches through them with feather dusters attached to their backs. The dust that is not picked up by the feather dusters is stirred up and comes out the little holes in the mouthpiece. Please dont take this issue lightly!

Before you allow the telephone company to clean out your phone lines, you should know that there is a serious side-effect to having the phone company blow or clean out your lines. If there is a weak spot in the insulation anywhere between the central office and your phone, it can cause an insulation break in your phone line. Through this break, solder ants can enter thus causing an infestation, especially when the insulation break is close to your house.

For the uninformed, solder ants, a close cousin to the leaf-cutter ant, crawl through the phone lines and attack the soldered connections in phone equipment, answering machines, telephones, modems, digital satellite receivers (plugged into a phone jack) and home computers, especially those using an internal modem. They eat the solder off of joints causing cold solder joints and opens. Symptoms of a solder ant infestation are the crackling and popping sounds heard on your phone, spurious reboots on your computer and wrong numbers/incomplete calls on your phone. (Remember the electrical outage that affected nearly the entire western United States several years ago? It was caused by solder ants).

Three known ways to combat this pest are as follows …

Cracks in your phone line insulation, the cause of solder ant infestations, are caused by excess slack in cables between the central office and your home. This slack causes excessive bending of the insulation on your phone lines thus causing cracks thus allowing solder ants to enter. In order to correct this, insist that the phone company pull all the slack out of your lines from the central office end. This is not widely known, but the telephone companies must do this at no charge to the subscriber requesting it. Lobbying by the companies prevented them from having to do this automatically.

Four to six inches from the device (phone, modem, etc.) tie a tight knot in the phone cord to prevent solder ants from exiting to your equipment (Make sure you loosen the knot when the lines are blown out!). This also has the added benefit of preventing lightning from destroying your equipment. It is a known fact that lightning must travel in a straight line and it cannot make it around the bends of a tight knot tied in your phone cord. This is a little known fact that companies such as APC, who make surge suppression equipment, do not want you to know.

Insist that the phone company flush your lines instead of blow them out. Chemicals contained in the flushing solution ward off solder ants and are just as effective in cleaning out your lines. The only problem is that once notified that your lines are to be flushed, you have the responsibility of unplugging all telecom devices and leaving the phone cord ends extended in to some type of bucket to capture the flushing solution. Otherwise the solution will drain all over your equipment and require professional cleaning. An environmental note: Smaller, less well-financed telcos use cheaper, older, more dangerous flushing solutions. The residue left from line flushing must be dealt with the same way you would deal with any petroleum based solvent. The easiest way to get around this is to insist that your telephone company use environmentally friendly subscriber line flushing solvents.

Warning: Do not attempt to blow out the lines yourself or try to look into a line that is being blown clean. You could destroy your phone equipment or injure yourself. It is best left to the experts. I have been in the telephone business for twenty-two years. I know what I am talking about!