Q: What do you see when you look into a blondes eyes?
A: The back of her head.
24
May
24
May
What does a Jewish American Princess make for dinner?
Reservations.
24
May
What do men and beer bottles have in common?
They are both empty from the neck up.
24
May
If Obi Wan Had a Son, of what name would he bear it?
Obi Tu
24
May
And, yes, they all really exist…
dam.mit.edu
monarch.butterfly.net
gratuitouslylonghostname.apana.org.au
drag.net
my-hostname-is-longer-than-yours.mit.edu
tragically.hip.berkeley.edu
dislocated.hip.berkeley.edu
ohsaycan.ucc.american.edu
huh_huh.fire.com
vo.mit.edu
24
May
Heard this from a friend of a friend…
A guy walks into a bar and walks up to the bartender, slams his fist down on
the bar and says, Im Neil Brown. Im six foot four, three hundred pounds. I
have a fourteen inch cock, and I want a beer! Hearing this, the bartender
faints dead away.
Some people in the bar run to help the bartender. As he is
being revived, he looks up at Neil and says, What did you say? Once again
the man exclaims, Im Neil Brown. Im six foot four, three hundred
pounds. I have a fourteen inch cock, and I want a beer! The bartender then
stands, looking much relieved and says, Oh, Im sorry, I thought you said
kneel down.
23
May
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Butch!
Butch who?
Butch your arms around me!
23
May
You use your fishing license as a form of I.D.
On stag night, you take a real deer.
Your back porch is bigger than your house.
23
May
The 2000 Darwin awards!
And the 1999 Darwin Award winner is…..
(5 September 1999, Jerusalem) The switch away from daylight savings time caused consternation among terrorist groups this year. At precisely 5:30 Israel time on Sunday, two coordinated car bombs exploded in different cities, killing three terrorists who were transporting the bombs. It was initially believed that the devices had been detonated prematurely by klutzy amateurs. A closer look revealed the truth behind the untimely explosions.
Three days before, Israel had made a premature switch from daylight savings time to standard time in order to accommodate a week of Slihot, involving pre-sunrise prayers. Palestinians refused to live on Zionist time. Two weeks of scheduling havoc ensued. The bombs had been prepared in a Palestine-controlled area, and set on Daylight Savings time. The confused drivers had already switched to standard time. As a result, the cars were still en-route when the explosives detonated, delivering to the terrorists their well-deserved demise.
23
May
Excels in sustaining concentration but avoids confrontations: Ignores everyone.
Excels in the effective application of skills: Makes a good cup of coffee.
Exceptionally well qualified: Has committed no major blunders to date.