Old and New Jokes

Q: How many netters does it take to submit a light bulb joke?
A: 2, 1 to do it and 1 to read this huge file first to check it hasnt been done already !

Una trabajadora social visita una comunidad extremadamente pobre.

Al estar platicando con el jefe de una familia le llama la atención el grado tan extremo de pobreza, y lo grande que era esa familia. Contaban con 10 hijos y la esposa estaba embarazada del undécimo. Comentando con el patriarca lo difícil que era la vida diaria en la familia, el menor de los integrantes de la familia, un niño de escasos 4 años, le advierte al papá:

Papá, papá, se te están viendo los testículos.

El padre un poco sonrojado por la situación se disculpa con la trabajadora social, y ella le comenta, realmente me llama la atención el hecho de que su hijo se haya referido a sus órganos sexuales de esa manera

No señorita, no se trata de educación la forma de hablar de mi muchacho, lo que pasa es que si le digo que son huevos… se los come.

There was three guys walking down a street.

One was a Christian, the second was a Muslim and the third was a Hindu. They heard a startling noise as they turned around, they realized that there was a flood and it was coming right for them. So what do they do they start to pray.



The christian guy said, Jesus oh Father I need your help please save me.



So he was saved.



The Muslim guy started to pray, Oh Allah I need your help please save me.



So he was saved.



Then the hindu guy said ok they were saved and they only have one god, and I have soo many I will be saved faster than them.



So the Hindu guy prayed, Oh Mata Ji, and

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.

Why cant you be a non-conformist like everyone else?

In Tabers Cyclopedic Medical Dictionary (edition 15) on page 1451 begins an article entitled rape and sexual assault prevention Towards the end of the article is the following paragraph.

If forced to participate in oral sex, i.e., fellatio, and you feel your life is in danger, then a vigorous, quick, and forceful attempt to amputate the penis by biting could completely demotivate the rapist because of extreme pain. You should immediately flee at that time.

To me that last sentence seems a prime candidate for the under statement of the year award.

A representative for a condom company was on her way to an international condom convention. While rushing through the airport, she dropped her briefcase carrying her samples, scattering condoms across the floor. She noticed passersby looking at her as she tried to get the condoms back into her briefcase. Its okay, she said. Im going to a convention.

Have you an unusual Intelligence? Do you find you lose interest in supposedly Interesting movies? It could be that youre one of the 5% of the population that has the mental capacity of a steaming turd! If so, you may want to join MUNSA – Mentally Unemployed and Noticeably Stupid Association.Try the questionnaire below. The results could surprise you! If you cant even read the question, youre halfway there already – just get someone to fill out our full colour brochure at any trailing chemist, and youll be in for some, good old fashioned non-challenging material.1. Which of the following WAS one of the famous Marx Brothers?a. STRETCH
b. SKID
c. HARPO
d. TYRE2. The number missing from the series (1,2,4,..,16) is:a. YELLOW
b. GERANIUM
c. 8
d. TYRE3. The letter missing from the series (a,b,c,..,e) is:a. z
b. b
c. d
d. TYRE4. A man walks into a Barber Shop, with $5.00. He buys 2 lemons at 45c each, 1 Pickled Eel for $2.40, 4 packets of washing powder for $3.15 each. What will happen?a. The Barber will wonder where all the stuffs coming from
b. He wasnt in a Barbers shop, it was a Dairy
c. The Barber will ask him if hes from MUNSA
d. Tyre5. Two trains leave the same station, but moving in opposite directions. The first train is travelling at 50km/hr EAST, while the second one is travelling 50km/hr WEST. Which train is travelling the fastest?a. The one going EAST
b. The one going WEST
c. Neither
d. Tyre
e. Why arent there (e.)s in all the other questions6. What comes next in the series (RED, GREEN)a. A car
b. Orange
c. Insufficient Data
d. Tyre7. Mona Lisa was:a. A dissatisfied Woman
b. A Song by Billy Idol
c. A painting
d. Tyre8. The cold war was about:a. Ice
b. Autumn
c. A few people at the top not liking each other
d. Tyre9. Complete the following Sequence: (Tyre Tyre Tyre)a. Tyre
b. Tyre
c. Tyre
d. Pardon?Ok, time to total up all your marks. Those o

There were three ladies at the obstetricians office, waiting to see what their results were. When the first young woman came back to the waiting room, she was very happy.

Im going to have a boy! she declared. The doctor said that if my husband was on top, I would have a boy.

When the second young woman came back, she was very happy, too. Im going to have a girl! The doctor said that if I was on top, I would have a girl.

Suddenly, the third young woman burst into tears. The other two tried to console her, but all she could say was Im going to have a puppy!

What is green, has four legs, and smells like Monica Lewinsky? The

pool table in the oval office!