Tommy, Johnny and Harry were standing around bullshitting about how tough their fathers were.
My dad went 12 rounds with Mike Tyson. Lick that! said young Harry.
Well, my dad did two tours of Vietnam and killed 19 men… so lick that! Tommy said.
Thats nothing! declared little Johnny. My dad hasnt wiped his ass in 10 years… so lick that!
One day a kid and his dad go golfing up in Canada. the dad tells his son that if a bear comes along dont run cause a bear can out run any human. so there on the coarese and the dad asked the kid what he should do if a bear came up to him. The son yellsim gonna run like hell the dad says but a bear can out run u. the son saysits not the bear i have to outrun it u.
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
114. Cover your bed with a tent. Live inside it for a week. If your roommate asks, explain that Its a jungle out there. Get your roommate to bring you food and water.
Wisdom is whats left after weve run out of personal opinions.
Things could be worse; suppose your errors were counted and published every day, like those of a baseball player.
– Sandy
At a bar in New York the man to the Laloos left tells the bartender, Johnnie Walker, Single and the mans companion says, Jack Daniels, Single.
The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, And you sir.
Laloo replies Laloo Yadav, married
A: Because she heard that one child out of every four born was Chinese.
The night before her wedding, the bride-to-be talked with her mother. Mom, she said, I want you to teach me how to make my new husband happy.
The mother took a deep breath and began, When two people love, honor, and respect each other, love can be a very beautiful thing…
I know how to fuck, mother, the bride-to-be interrupted. I want you to teach me how to make a great lasagna!
Fred and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year. Every year Fred would say, Edna, Id like to ride in that there airplane. And every year Edna would say, I know Fred, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars,and ten dollars is ten dollars. One year Fred and Edna went to the fair and Fred said, Edna, Im 71 years old. If I dont ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance. Edna replied, Fred that there airplane ride costs ten dollars,and ten dollars is ten dollars. The pilot overheard them and said, Folks, Ill make you a deal. Ill take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I wont charge you, but if you say one word its ten dollars. Fred and Edna agreed and up they go. The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does all his tricks over again, but still not a word. They land and the pilot turns to Fred, By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didnt. Fred replied, Well, I was gonna say something when Edna fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars.