Old and New Jokes

Yo mama so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Tyrone!
Tyrone who?
Tyrone shoelaces!

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!

Whats the difference between you and a prostitute?

The prostitute gets paid.

Q: What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A: A natural major.

There were 3 guys, 2 smart ones, and a dumb one. They were all going hunting. The first smart guy went out and came back with a huge grizzly bear. The dumb guy asked him How did you get that huge Grizzly bear? The smart guy said, I followed the tracks, went in the cave and shot the bear. Then the second smart guy went out and came back with a huge black bear. The dumb guy asked him, How did you get that huge black bear? The smart guy said, I followed the tracks, went in the cave, and shot the bear. So the smart guy went out and came back all bloody and cut up. The smart guys said, What happened to you? The dumb guy said, I followed the tracks, went in the cave, and got hit by a train.

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com, did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg.

Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com.

She said unto Abraham, her husband, Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent? And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, How, Dear?

And Dot replied, I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriahs Pony Stable (UPS).

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. The drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever moving from his tent. But this success did arouse envy.

A man named Maccabia did secret himself inside Abrahams drum and was accused of insider trading. And the young man did take to Dot Coms trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums, that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only with Brother Gates drumheads and drumsticks.

Dot did say, Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others. And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known eBay he said, we need a name that reflects what we are, and Dot replied, Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators.

YAHOO, said Abraham. And that is how it all began, It wasnt Al Gore after all.

I am contributing the following word-for-word quotations from my Artec Mouse Manual (mouse mfgd in Taiwan):

Welcome to work with the smart mouse.

Right from now your computer job are no more a boring and tremendous typing process.

Alternatively, an easy and freiendly method to communicate with your personal computer does just present in you sight.

Because the content to this manual progresses as a logical manner, we recommend you should read it in order.

In order to facilitate our customers ready. This manual is presented in seven different languages.

Before you begin to read this manual, check what mouse package you are.

The driver supports a help list that users can call it anytime.

Note: the driver provides default setting for those parameter list above you had not selected.

The screen shows the version of the Mouse driver that you are using and many hardware configured information.

Connect the equipment into an outlet on a circuit the receiver is connected (hunh? what??)

Yo mama has a short arm and cant applaude.

But baby pigeon said, I cant make it; Ill get too tired. His mother said, Dont worry; Ill tie a piece of string to one of your legs and the other end to mine.

The baby started to cry.

Whats wrong? said the mother.

I dont want to be pigeon towed!