Old and New Jokes

An old man is arrested by a game warden that caught him roasting a bald eagle over a campfire. All of the feathers, head, and feet were nearby, and the man admitted that it was indeed a bald eagle that he was about to eat.
When his day in court came, the old man was quickly convicted but pled for mercy on the grounds that hed taken the bird for subsistence in a survival situation. The judge complied, giving the man probation, a small fine, and crediting him for time served. Before letting him leave, though, the judge asked the man to his chambers. He asked, just out of curiosity, what bald eagle tasted like? To which the old man replied,
Oh, a little bit like Condor.

Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?

Soldier: Sure, buddy.

Officer: Thats no way to address an officer! Now lets try it a gain.

Soldier: Do you have change for a dollar?

Soldier: No, SIR!

Theres this woman whos in a bar and she walks up to the bartender. He has a beard, and she starts running her fingers through it and eventually sticks a couple of fingers in his mouth.
She asks him if hes the manager, and he says no; so she says: could you tell the manger that theres no handsoap or toilet paper in the ladies room?

My brother used to be a police officer in Chicago. (Hes now a rather
high-up muckity-muck in the police dept., but thats beside the point.)
Hes told me some amusing anecdotes from Chicago police-work.

There was one story about people shoveling the snow for a parking space
in front their house. This apparently is a problem for the Chicago
police every winter. What happens is that somebody will park in a
nearby parking lot, then slave away for how ever many hours it takes to
shovel out a car-sized space in front of his house, naturally so he can
park his car there. Then he goes back to the lot to get his car.

When he returns home, he finds that the space has been taken by some
_other_ car. He is, well, upset.

What most people do is write nasty notes etc. and place them on the
windshield of the offending vehicle. Where the police get involved,
however, is the occasional case where the individual vents his wrath
in somewhat more violent means. Tires and throats have been slashed
over this.

One time a fellow got creative. Instead of doing the usual nasty, he
got out his garden hose and watered the automobile down, really well. I
mean, very, very thoroughly. The water, of course, froze solid. When
the owner returned, instead of a car, he found a car-sized popsicle.

The note on the car read: You want the space? Here, its yours until
spring!

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Carrie!
Carrie who?
Carrie the bags into the house please!

Yo mama so ugly if ugly were bricks shed have her own projects!

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

40. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

A man walked into a lawyers office and inquired about the lawyers rates.

$50.00 for three questions.

replied the lawyer.

Isnt that awfully steep?

asked the man.

Yes.

the lawyer replied, What was your third question?

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Fonda!
Fonda who?
Fonda you!