[Ed: I am not sure everybody will enjoy this joke. Who am I to deny that
my moods dictate what jokes I like. Only send me jokes when I am in
a funny mood.]
(You must have experienced pompous academicians to appreciate this
joke. You have been warned.)
Once upon a time, a young man went to the circus. He was very
excited, as he lived in western Manitoba and had never
seen a circus before; the kind of town where you shave and the
trolly stops. Anyway, as circus days drew nigh, the young man
grew ever more excited. He arrived before dawn to get the
best seat in the house, and was seated hours before the first
trapeze act.
Finally, the trapeze artists gave an awe-inspiring performance,
the elephants danced, and the lion tamer tamed. At last, the
clowns came out in full regalia and green hair. They rode around
by the gross in a purple volkswagon. The volksie pulled up
to center of the ring, and an overweight clown with orange
hair, acne, and a purple nose advanced to the podium:
Will the person in section A, row Y, seat 42 please stand up?
The young man looked at his ticket, and to his surprise, he was
sitting in that very seat. The young man stood up.
Clown sez, Wellllll, theres the horses ass, now wheres the
rest of the horse?
The man, dumbfounded, stood for a moment, then made his way
quickly through crowd and out of the tent. Returning home,
the man wept for days, and mourned the loss of dignity and honor.
Eventually reason overcame his grief and the man grew determined.
Im not going to get mad, Im going to get even, and avenge the
honor of myself, my family, and this town, exclaimed
the man. He picked up the curriculum guide for the University
of Nevada at Las Vegas (UNLV) correspondence courses and started
to read.
Eventually his eyes came to rest on an advert for a class in
Quick Wit Retort. Learn how to use those snappy comebacks
to your advantage, now! So the man sent in his $19.95 and
soon received the course materials. In a few weeks, the man
mastered the materials, and sent the final back to UNLV.
Much to his surprise, a registered letter arrived from the
president of UNLV. It read:
Dear Sir: We are utterly flabbergasted at your performance
in Quick Wit Retort 101. We would be most gratified if you
could come to UNLV to complete your degree with our fine
academic institution. Heres a check to cover your expenses.
To make a long story short :-), the man made straight As in
the QWR program. He was awarded numerous distinctions, and
when he graduated, the graduation speaker Ed Meese awarded
the man the Presidential Medal of Outstanding Quick Wit Retort,
signed by Ronnie himself!
Some days afterward, Harvard University sent a lear-jet to
pick the man up for an interview. The graduate admissions
officer didnt mince words. If you complete our masters/doctoral
tenured track program in QWR, you will never have
to worry about money again, said he. Needless to say, the man
promptly moved to Cambridge.
In 5 years, the man had finished his doctorate. By this time,
the man was known throughout the world as the leading expert
in Quick Wit Retort. Word had even reached western Manitoba,
which made his mother very proud. Everyone from Pentagon
pundits to Beltway bandits consulted the man on technical
questions of QWR.
One day, while sitting at his desk reading his hometown
newspaper, the man noticed that the circus was coming to
his hometown again. An evil smile crossed the mans face.
Siegfried, cried the man to his assistant, We must be
away to Manitoba. Ready the jet! As the plane crossed
the downlands of Michigan, the man savored the moment of
victory that was to be his.
The man arrived at the circus tent very early, making sure
to get the seat in section A, row Y, seat 42.
Finally, the trapeze artists gave an awe-inspiring performance,
the elephants danced, and the lion tamer tamed. At last, the
clowns came out in full regalia and green hair. They rode around
by the gross in a purple volkswagon. The volksie pulled up
to center of the ring, and an overweight clown with orange
hair, acne, and a purple nose advanced to the podium:
Will the person in section A, row Y, seat 42 please stand up?
The man glanced at his ticket. This time he was ready.
Clown sez, Wellllll, theres the horses ass, now wheres the
rest of the horse?
The man rose to his feet, full of confidence. He thrust out his
chest and said in the loudest voice you can imagine:
FUCK YOU, CLOWN!!!!
Robert C. White, Jr. Graphics Information, Inc.