A road consturction manager needed to hire someone to paint the yellow lines down the middle of a newly constructed road. A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all get hired. They are each assigned a section of the road. The first day, the blonde paints 2 miles, the redhead 1.5, and the brunette only 1. On the second day, the blonde paints 1 mile, the brunette 2, and the redheaed 2.5. On the third day, the blonde only gets 1/4 of a mile done, the redheaed 3, and the brunette 3.5. The manager decides to talk to the blonde."You havent been painting as much road as you did on the first day, the manager said. Whats the problem? Id be painting more, but the bucket keeps getting farther and farther away!
23
Feb
22
Feb
You need a dictionary to spell your name.
You dont change your socks until the first pair rots off.
People ask your wife when her babys due and shes not pregnant.
22
Feb
And God created woman and she had three breasts.
He then asked the woman,
Is there anything youd like to have changed?
She replied,
Yes, you could get rid of this middle breast?
And so it was done, and it was good.
Then the woman exclaimed as she was holding that third breast in her hand,
What can be done with this useless boob?
And God created man.
22
Feb
Dos amigas se encuentran y la una le dice a la otra:
Vecina, estoy preocupadÃsima. ImagÃnese que desde hace tres dÃas, dos marihuaneros entran por la noche y se cagan en mi terreno.
La otra le dice: Pero no sea usted tan lenta, ponga unos reflectores y verá como no vuelven.
En efecto, la señora se manda dos reflectores de 500 Watts cada uno.
A la semana, se vuelven a encontrar, e intrigada le pregunta la señora:
Y, vecina, ¿cómo le fue con los reflectores?
¡Ay, me muero, mejor calle!. ¡Ahora entran a cagar con revistas!
22
Feb
A man walks into a bar and he has a pet octopus. He sits down at the bar and says to the bartender give us two beers over here!
The bartender walks over and sees the octopus and he says, Didnt you see the sign over there it says no pets allowed!
The man says to the bartender, oh but you dont understand this is a special octopus and he can play any musical instrument that you have.
The bartender replied back, well Ill tell you what, if he can play any instrument you can both drink for free all night!
The bartender walks up to the band playing and grabs a guitar. He puts it down on the bar.
The octopus crawls up on the bar and feels around the guitar for a little while, then finally he picks it up and starts jamming. Hes so good he sounded like Jimi Hendricks!
The bartender was amazed and says, alright lets try one more.
This time he goes into the back room and brings out a dusty old set of bagpipes and promptly put them on the bar and says lets see him play this!
The octopus starts crawling all over the bagpipes. He continues this for quite awhile.
The bartender shouted out See I knew he couldnt play all these instruments!
And the man replies, Just give him a few more minutes…
as soon as he figures out he cant have sex with it, hell play it!
22
Feb
I am in total control, but dont tell my wife.
22
Feb
LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
22
Feb
A big-city counterfeiter decided the best place to pass off his phony $18
bills would be in some small hick town.
So, he got into his very expensive new luxury car and off he went. After
driving for a while, he found a tiny town with a single store.
He entered the store and handed one of the bogus bills to the man behind
the counter. Can you change this for me, please? he asked.
The store clerk looked at the $18 bill for a short time, then smiled and
said to the man, Ah reckon so, Mister. Ya want 2 nines or 3 sixes?
22
Feb
LUCY AND JAJE WERE PLAYING GOLF FIRST THE FIRST 2 BALS GOT STUCK ON LUCY BOOBS ,AND THE SECOND BALL GOT STUCK ON JAKES BALL,AND NOW THEY HAD NO BALLS TO PLAY WITH.
22
Feb
The psychiatrist was holding a group consultation with three young mothers and their small children. You all have obsessions, he told them.
To the first one, he said, Your obsession is eating. Why youve even named your daughter Candy.
The second, he said, was obsessed by money. Again, it manifests itself in your childs name, Penny.
At this point, the third mother arose and, taking her little boy by the hand, whispered, Lets go, Peter.