13
Dec

Betty Crocker

A woman could never get her husband to do anything around the house. He would come home from work, sit in front of the TV, eat dinner, and sit some more — would never do those little household repairs that most husbands take care of. This frustrated the woman quite a bit. One day the toilet stopped up. When her husband got home, she said sweetly, Honey, the toilet is clogged. Would you look at it? Her husband snarled, What do I look like? The tidy-bowl man? and sat down on the sofa.

The next day, the garbage disposal wouldnt work. When her husband got home, she said, very nicely, Honey, the disposal wont work. Would you try to fix it for me? Once again, he growled, What do I look like? Mr. Plumber?

The next day, the washing machine was on the blink. When her husband got home, she steeled her courage and said, Honey, the washer isnt running. Would you check on it? And again was met with a snarl, What do I look like? The Maytag repairman?

Finally, she had had enough. The next morning, the woman called three repairmen to fix the toilet, the garbage disposal, and the washer. When her husband got home, she said, Honey, I had the repairmen out today. He frowned, Well, how much is that going to cost? Well, honey, they all said I could pay them by baking them a cake or having sex with them.

Well, what kind of cakes did you bake them? he asked. She smiled. What do I look like? Betty Crocker?

13
Dec

Argument

A discussion that occurs when youre right, but he just hasnt
realized it yet.

Joke found on http://www.randomjoke.com

13
Dec

What do they call Clintons

What do they call Clintons zipper?

The U.S. Open

13
Dec

Stopped Using the Pill

13
Dec

The new NO-CARB diet for 2004

Have you heard
of the NO-CARB Diet for 2004?
NO C-heney

NO A-shcroft

NO R-umsfeld

NO B-ush
and absolutely NO RICE!

13
Dec

Bribing the Judge

Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. So, he said, I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe.

Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably.

You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000. The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Leon.

Now then, Im returning $5,000, and were going to decide this case solely on its merits.

13
Dec

Math at a Catholic School

Little Tommys parents had tried everything to help his math grade:
tutors, flash cards, Hooked on Math, special learning centers,
everything. Finally, they enrolled him in the local Catholic school.

The very first day, he came home with a very serious look on his face,
went straight to his room, and started studying. His mother was
amazed. Books and paper were spread out everywhere and Little Tommy
was hard at work. As soon as dinner was through, he marched right back
up to his room without a word and studied some more.

This went on for weeks until Little Tommy proudly brought home his
report card and showed it to his parents: An A in Math!

Tommy! This is great! Im so proud of you! Son, what was it? What
helped motivate you? Was it the nuns?

Little Tommy shook his head.

Well, then, was it the books? The discipline? The structure? The
uniforms? What?

Little Tommy looked at her and said, Well, Mom, its like this. When
I saw that guy out in the lobby nailed to a plus sign, I knew they
werent screwing around!

12
Dec

How all careers end

How careers end…

Students are degraded.

Electricians are refused.

Bodybuilders are rebuffed.

Underwear models are debriefed

12
Dec

Dictionary of

Dictionary of Evaluation Comments

Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out.

APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC: Finds someone else to do the job.

A KEEN ANALYST: Thoroughly confused.

NOT A DESK PERSON: Did not go to college.

12
Dec

Un avin se pega tal

Un avión se pega tal trompazo que por allí no aparece ni la caja negra. Milagrosamente, entre los restos del aparato encuentran a un orangután algo atontado, pero vivito y coleando.

Como no se puede hacer otra cosa, con ayuda de un intérprete de simiesqués, los expertos se ponen a interrogarle:

¿Y qué hacía durante el accidente el piloto?

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ….

¿Y el copiloto? ¿Y las azafatas?

ÑACA, ÑACA, ÑACA…

Y tú, ¿qué hacías mientras?

Y el mono, extendiendo ambos brazos al frente contesta:

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR…