Old and New Jokes

Tres pruebas de que Jesús fue judío:

1 – Trabajo en el negocio de su padre.

2 – Vivió en casa hasta los 33 años.

3 РEstaba seguro de que su madre era virgen y su madre estaba segura de que ̩l era Dios.

Tres pruebas de que Jesús fue irlandés:

1 – Nunca se casó.

2 – Nunca mantuvo un trabajo estable.

3 РSu ̼ltimo deseo fue un trago.

Tres pruebas de que Jesús fue puertorriqueño:

1 РSu primer nombre era Jes̼s.

2 – Siempre tuvo problemas con la ley.

3 – Su madre no sabía quién era su padre.

Tres pruebas de que Jesús fue italiano:

1 – Hablaba moviendo las manos.

2 – Tomaba vino con todas las comidas.

3 – Trabajaba en negocios de edificaciones.

Tres pruebas de que Jesús fue negro:

1 – Llamaba a todo el mundo hermano.

2 – No tenía domicilio permanente.

3 – Nadie lo contrataba.

Tres pruebas de que Jesús fue californiano:

1 – Nunca se cortaba el pelo.

2 – Caminaba descalzo.

3 – Inventó una nueva religión.

Tres pruebas de que Jesús fue argentino:

1 – Lo recibieron con palmas pero a los tres días ya lo querían crucificar.

2 – Hablaba con parábolas muy claras porque creía que los demás, excepto él, eran todos boludos.

3 – Estaba convencido de ser el hijo de Dios.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Gladys!
Gladys who!
Gladys its my last joke!

Q: Why couldnt the blonde write the number eleven?
A: She didnt know what number came first.

Beer. If you cant taste it, why bother!

A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hells Angels bikers
walked in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old
mans pie and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old
man, spat into the old mans milk and then he too took a seat at the counter.
The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old mans plate, and then he
took a seat at the counter.

Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner. Shortly
thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, Humph, not much of a man,
was he?

The waitress replied, Not much of a truck driver either, he just backed his
big-rig over three motorcycles.

What do you call foreplay in Alabama?
Hey sis, you awake?

How do you confuse a dumb blonde?
Tell her to pee in the corner of a round house.
How does she confuse you?
She comes out and says shes done!

Did you know that Bill Clinton is considering changing the Democratic seal from a donkey to a condom? Thats because it represents inflation, halts production, and gives you a false sense of security while youre being screwed.

Theres a new big band in Canada … their big hit is Take the train, eh?

One night a Blond Nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her.

My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish.

Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy. I am a bride of Christ. I am doing what I love. I lack for nothing material since the Church supports me. I am content in all ways.

There must be something you would have of me, said God.

Well, there is one thing, she said.

Just name it, said God.

Its those blond jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere, not just to me. I would like for blond jokes to stop.

Consider it done, said God. Blond jokes shall be stricken from the minds of humans.

But surely there is something that I could do just for you.

There is one thing. But its really small, and not worth your time, said the nun.

Name it. Please, said God.

Its the M&Ms, said the nun. Theyre so hard to peel!