Q: Whats the advantage of having a blonde as a girlfriend? A: You get to park in handicapped zones.
27
Oct
27
Oct
Two six-year-odl boys were attending religious school and giving the teachers problems. The teachers had tried everything to make them behave — time-outs, notes home, missed recesses, but could do nothing with them.
Finally the boys were sent to see the priest.
The first boy went in and sat in a chair across the desk from the priest. The piest asked, Son, do you know where God is?
The little boy just sat there.
the priest stood up and asked, Don, do you know where God is?
The little boy trembled but said nothing.
The priest leaned across the desk and again asked, Do you know where God is?
The little boy bolted out of the chair, rushed past his friend in the waiting room, and ran all the way home. He got in bed and pulled the covers up over his head.
His friend followed him home. He came into the bedroom and asked, What happened in there?
The boy replied, God is missing, and they think we did it!
27
Oct
Lady customer: I want a birthday present for my husband.
Floorwalker: How long have you been married, madam?
Lady Customer: Twelve years.
Floorwalker: Bargain basement is on the left.
27
Oct
When he tells you your wifes hair smells nice.
27
Oct
The following are a few simple ways to keep burglars out of the house by putting a few signs in well-placed locations.Dear Mr. Butcher,
Starting tomorrow, please leave eight pounds of meat for Brutus. Six pounds leaves him hungry, angry and vicious!Dear Mr. Mailman,
We found bloodstains all over our mail. They must be yours. The next time you put mail into our slot, please
be sure to keep all parts of your body well clear of all openings.
P.S. – Any sign of that book we sent for, The Care and Feeding of Wild Jungle Cats?Selma, dont come in! The boa constrictor got loose again…Exterminator: Be very careful when you go inside! The termites have eaten through most of the floorboards and you will fall into the basement where all of the rats are if you dont take care!To whom it may concern:
Some of the items in this house have been engraved with Federal Identification Numbers. Others have merely been wired to explode when touched. Good luck…
26
Oct
Está el partido en su apogeo.
La porra se desrraga en gritos y vÃtores:
¿Dónde está mi papá? ¡No sé!
¿Dónde está mi mamá? ¡No sé!
¡Viva el Orfanato San José!
26
Oct
Todos los locos del manicomio se encuentran reunidos, cuando llega el orate principal que sólo utiliza la letra e como vocal para todas las palabras y les anuncia:
Este neche nes vemes e squeper e nes vemes e desfrezer de queremelos; se ven e pener en des secceenes: ene de chequelete e le etre de mente.
Cuando ya están en la fuga llega la policÃa y grita:
¡Ea, demente!
El loco principal le responde:
Ne, de chequelete.
26
Oct
A wife comes home and says to her husband, I am moving to Las Vegas – I hear you can get $400 for sex. The husband runs to the bedroom, starts packing his bags and says Im coming along to see this!
Why? asks the wife, Why would you come to Las Vegas with me?
Husband replies, Because Ive gotta see you live on $800 a year!
26
Oct
Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence–a life sentence.
26
Oct
Two salesmen, Joe and Mike were stranded by a winter storm and took refuge in an old farmhouse occupied by an attractive single woman.
In the middle of the night, Joe heard Mike sneak out of bed and into the womans room. Joe said nothing about it until nine months later when a registered letter arrived at his office.
Clutching the letter, he walked into Mikes office. Do you remember the night we were stranded by that snowstorm and you sneaked out of your room to be with that woman? he asked.
Yes, Mike replied.
You told her you were me, didnt you? Joe demanded.
Yes, I did, Mike said nervously. Why do you ask?
Because, Joe replied, she just died and left me a fortune!