[This came up at dinner one night with my sister the nurse, her
boyfriend the doctor, and my sister the medical administrator. – pf]
Ive heard it said that the way to pick a barber in a barbershop is
to choose the one with the worst haircut–they cut each others hair.
How then should one select a psychiatrist in a clinic?
A medical student was in the morgue one day after classes, getting a little practice in before the final exams.
He went over to a table where a body was lying face down. He removed the sheet over the body and to his surprise he found a cork in the corpses rectum. Figuring this was fairly unusual, he pulled the cork out, and to his surprise, music began playing On the road again …Just cant wait to get on the road again …
The student was amazed, and placed the cork back in the rectum. The music stopped. Totally freaked out, the student called the Medical Examiner over to the corpse.
Look at this. This is really something! the student told the examiner as he pulled the cork back out again.
On the road again … Just cant wait to get on the road again …
So what? – the Medical Examiner replied, obviously unimpressed with the students discovery.
But isnt that the most amazing thing youve ever seen? asked the student.
Are you kidding? replied the Examiner, Any asshole can sing country music.
Q: How many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One liberal and twenty eight delegates representing all the social, economic, and ethnic communities.
An Englishman, a Welshman and an Arabian are sitting in a bar.
The Englishman says, Ive got ten children, one more and Ill have a football team.
The Welshman says, Ive got fourteen children, one more and Ill have a rugby team.
The Arabian says, Ive got seventeen wives, one more and Ill have a golf course.
Youve ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when they dont even have shoes.
God made the world in six days, and on the seventh she was sued for
not filing an environmental impact statement.
If men can run the world, why cant they stop wearing neckties? How
intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?
A plane hit a patch of severe turbulence and the passengers were holding on tight as it rocked and reeled through the night. A little old lady turned to a minister who was sitting behind her and said, Youre a man of God. Cant you do something about this?He replied, Sorry, I cant. Im in sales, not management.
This is an actual job application someone submitted to McDonalds. They hired him. NAME – Greg Bulmash DESIRED POSITION – Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatevers available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldnt be applying here in the first place. DESIRED SALARY – $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If thats not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION – Yes. LAST POSITION HELD – Target for middle management hostility. SALARY – Less than Im worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT – My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING – It sucked. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK – Any. PREFERRED HOURS – 1:30 – 3:30 pm, Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS? Yes, but theyre better suited to a more intimate environment. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS? Of what? DO YOU HAVE A CAR? I think the more appropriate question here would be, Do you have a car that runs? HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION? I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes. DO YOU SMOKE? Only when set on fire. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS? Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy supermodel who thinks Im the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, Id like to be doing that now. DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE? No, but I dare you to prove otherwise. SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising.