Old and New Jokes

She replied, Yes, dear, but I was in love and didnt notice.

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

43. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.

A father and his son were in the backyard trying to fly a kite. The boy held the kite up and the father ran pulling the string. The kite would go up in the air ten or eleven feet and flutter to the ground. Several tries and the same thing kept happening.

The wife was watching this from the kitchen window and she stepped to the door and called to her husband: Honey, what you need is more tail.

I know, I know replied the husband. Thats what I told you last night and you told me to go fly a kite.

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing; so, after reading many books on the subject and gathering all of the necessary equipment, she made for the nearest frozen lake.

After positioning her comfy foot stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, as if from the sky, a voice boomed out, HEY, YOU, THERE ARE NO FISH THERE!

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a cup of cappuccino from her Thermos, and began to cut another hole. Again, a voice boomed, THERE ARE NO FISH THERE!

The blonde, now worried, moved to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and once again tried to cut the ice hole. Once more, the voice said, THERE ARE NO FISH THERE!

The blonde stopped, looked skyward, and said, Who are you, God? The voice replied, NO, I AM THE OWNER OF THIS ICE RINK!

3 men were in the woods. They took a wrong turn and they came to a cliff. Then suddenly a genie appeared. She said you guys finally found my home! you can now have one wish each. all you have to do is say what u want and jump off the cliff. you will land in what you want. The first guy said i wish for money he jumped and landed in money. The second guy said i wish for gold he jumped and landed in gold. The last guy went to the edge and saw the men. He was about to make a wish when he tripped over a rock he said shit!!. Then he landed in in shit.

A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, No, maam, we havent had any for some weeks now, and it doesnt look as if well be getting any soon.

Alarmed, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, That isnt true, maam. Of course, well have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago.

Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, Never, never, never, never say we dont have something. If we dont have it, say we ordered it and its on its way. Now, what was it she wanted?

Rain.

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.

The boy asked his father, What is this, Father? The father [never having seen an elevator] responded Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I dont know what it is.

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up.

They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out.

The father yells to his son, Hurry boy – go get your mother!

What do JFK Jr. and a penguin have in common?
Theyre both cute as hell and cant fly!

Tech Support: What does the screen say now.

Person: It says, Hit ENTER when ready.

Tech Support: Well?

Person: How do I know when its ready?

Knock! Knock!

Whos there?

Rita.

Rita who?

Rita book, you might learn something.

Knock! Knock!

Whos there?

Police.

Police who?

Police open the door, Im tired of knocking.

Knock! Knock!

Whos there?

Henrietta.

Henrietta who?

Henrietta worm that was in his apple.

Knock! Knock!

Whos there?

Carrie.

Carrie who?

Carrie on with what youre doing, Im at the wrong door.

Knock! Knock!

Whos there?

Anita.

Anita who?

Anita drink of water.

Knock! Knock!

Whos ther?

Dwain.

Dwain who?

Dwain the bathtub, Im dwrowning.