What do you call a neutron that has been around for a while?
An oldtron.
17
Aug
17
Aug
Women legislators joined the fray at a June 1994 session of Taiwans National Assembly, screaming, trading slaps and kicks, and pulling each others hair.
The violence began when two members of the ruling Nationalist Party poked fun at opposition lawmaker Su Chih-yang after her underwear showed when she sat down.
Nationalist lawmaker Kuo Su-chun berated Su, saying As a woman you should also review your own behavior.
Accusing Kuo of insinuating that she sat immodestly, Su walked to the podium and slapped her. Four other women joined the fracas, and a fifth collapsed from high blood pressure when she tried to stop it.
17
Aug
What did Princess Grace have that Natalie Wood needed?
A good stroke.
17
Aug
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
In honor of this holy season, Saint Peter said, You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on.
It represents a candle, he said.
You may pass through the pearly gates, Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, Theyre bells.
Saint Peter said, You may pass through the pearly gates.
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of womens panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, And just what part of Christmas do those symbolize?
The man replied, Dont worry, theyre not mine… Theyre Carols.
17
Aug
A woman married 35 years asked her husband on their anniversary, What were you thinking the very first time you saw me?
He replied, I wanted to suck those tits dry and fuck your brains out, dear.
She asked, And what do you think when you look at me now, darling?
I think I did a damn good job!
17
Aug
A: If they dropped them, theyd break.
16
Aug
There were three blondes living together.
Blonde #1 was coming back from grocery shopping, and she dropped her keys. She walked down the stairs to get them, and she said to herself, Am I going up the stairs or down the stairs?
So, she stood there puzzled, the bags of groceries still in her hands.
Blonde #2 was taking a bath, and was draining the tub because it was too cold. With her hair still dry, she said to herself, Was I getting in the tub or out of the tub? She stood there, just thinking about it.
Blonde #3 was sitting in the living room in front of the coffee table, and she said to herself, Knock on wood Im not as stupid as the other two! She knocked the table and sat there puzzled: Was that the front door or the back door?
16
Aug
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
Why, of course, comes the reply.
The first man then asks, Where are you from?
Im from Ireland, replies the second man.
The first man responds by saying, You dont say. Im from Ireland too. Lets have another round to Ireland.
Of course, replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks, Where in Ireland are you from?
Dublin, comes the reply.
I cant believe it, says the first man, Im from Dublin too. Lets have another drink to Dublin.
Of course, replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks, What school did you go to?
St Marys, replies the second man, I graduated in 1962.
This is unbelievable, the first man says. I went to St Marys and I graduated in 1962 too.
About that time, one of the regulars comes in and sits down at the bar.
Whats been going on? he asks the barman.
Nothing much, replies the barman. The OMalley twins are drunk again.
16
Aug
Dos amigos están en el estadio viendo un partido de fútbol del equipo de su pueblo que está más aburrido que una fiesta de carpetas. De repente, uno le dice al otro:
¿Ves ese calvo que tengo delante, ése que está como un armario?
SÃ, ¿qué pasa?
¿Qué te juegas a que le meto una chota en la nuca?
¿Qué dices, tÃo? ¡Venga, me juego una cena si quieres!
Vale.
El tÃo levanta la mano y le zurra una al calvo que le deja marca en el cuello. Éste se da la vuelta encendido:
¡Ahhhh! ¿Quién ha sido? ¡Que me lo cargo!
¡Pepeeeeeee! ¡Joder, cuánto tiempo, tÃo!
¿Qué? ¡Yo no soy Pepe!, responde indignado el calvo.
Ah, lo siento perdona. Me he confundido de persona.
Que no se repita…
Vale, vale.
Pasan los minutos y el partido sigue igual de aburrido.
Oye, ¿te juegas algo a que le doy otra aún más fuerte?
Lo que quieras, tÃo, me juego lo que quieras.
El pegón mira al calvo fijamente; espera a que esté distraÃdo y…
Este es el momento, piensa.
Se pone de pie, levanta la mano y le suelta una que lo tira del asiento.
¡AHHHHHH! ¡Pero bueno, qué pasa contigo, te voy a matar!
¡Pepe, coño, a mà no me engañas, tú eres Pepe!
¡QUE NOOOOOO! ¡A LA MIERDAA! ¡QUE NO SOY PEPEEEEE!
Hostia, tÃo, lo siento, estaba convencido. Ya me ha quedao claro, perdona.
GRRRR…
Total que termina el partido, y cuando están saliendo del campo, ven un poco delante de ellos sobresalir la calva del pobre hombre.
¿A que le meto otra más fuerte?
¿Qué? Me juego si quieres la paga de la semana.
Vale. Atento.
El tÃo que coge carrerilla y empieza a apartar a la gente:
A ver, por favor, señora, que voy a zurrarle al calvo. Ese perro, por favor, ¿de quién es, que molesta?
En eso, sale corriendo con el puño cerrado alzado. La gente animando:
¡EH, EH, EH, EH, EH!
Cuando llega donde está el calvo, salta y le da con toda su alma en la nuca. El calvo da dos vueltas de campana; arrolla a una viejecita y se empotra contra un árbol. Aturdido mira hacia atrás con los ojos inyectados en sangre y murmura:
¡Q… Qué coño…!
¡¡¡PEPEEEEEEE, JODER, TÃO, EN EL CAMPO HE VISTO UNO QUE ERA IGUAL QUE TÚ!!!
16
Aug
So many pedestrians, so little time.