Old and New Jokes

There is one of those large, portable flashing signs in front of the
School for the Blind in Louisville, KY with the following message:

WELCOME BACK STUDENTS

Now, Id like to know why.

Richard McKewen

A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes its a gay bar. What the heck, he says to himself, I really want a drink.When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, Whats the name of your willy?The cowboy says, Look, Im not into any of that. All I want is a drink.The gay waiter says, Im sorry but I cant serve you until you tell me the name of your willy. Mine for instance is called NIKE, for the slogan Just Do It. That guy down at the end of the bar calls his SNICKERS, because It really Satisfies. The cowboy looks dumbfounded, so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a beer, Hey bud, whats the name of yours?The man looks back and says with a smile, TIMEX.The thirsty cowboy asks, Why Timex?The fella proudly replies, Cause it takes a lickin and keeps on tickin! A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fellas on his right, who happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, So, what do you guys call yours?The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, FORD, because Quality is Job One Then he adds, Have you driven a Ford lately?The guy next to him then says, I call mine CHEVY…..Like a Rock! And gives a wink!Even more shaken, the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his manhood. Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, The name of my willy is SECRET. Now give me a beer.The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, Why Secret?The cowboy says, Because its STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!!

A little blind bunny and a little blind snake met each other in the

woods one day and, as neither of them could see themselves, they

decided to feel each other and then describe each other so that the

bunny would know what kind of animal he was and the snake would also

know what he was. The snake ran his tongue over the bunny.

Why, you are fluffy and soft and have a wet nose the snake said you must

be a bunny.

The bunny then ran his paws over the length of the snake and said,

Well, you are cold, slimy, scaly and hard …. you must be a

lawyer!

A man was taking a walk, and desided to go through the old graveyard as a shortcut. Now, it just so happens Betoveens grave happened to be in that cemetary, and the man walked past it. He heard the 1st symphany playing backwards, and took notice to the name on the gravestone, but kept walking, though a little puzzled.The next day, he called some friends, and they went back to look at the grave. This time, it was playing the 2ND symphany, still playing backwards! They thought it strange, but went home confused.The next day, the mans friends called their friends, and they all came once again to the grave. This time the 3RD symphany was blaring on, backwards yet again! Crazy! The man thought, and invited the whole village to join him the next day.So the next day, the whole town came, and heres the grave, music going on and on, but this time its the 4TH symphany, you guessed it… BACKWARDS! They all agreed to come back the next day, and dig up what ever, or whoever was making that sound.The next day though, when the citizens were unloading their shovels, the man stopped to ask the old jainitor what was going on. The old man said Dont you know? Hes decomposing!

Rom – Where the pope lives.

Q: How many Iraqi soldiers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One. He takes it back to Baghdad for safe keeping…..

Q: How many Sun readers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, but one is enough to screw up the joke.

Don Pedro estaba acongojado. No sabía como explicarle a su mujer que tenía una amante.

Un día visita a un consejero matrimonial, el cual le dice:

La mejor forma de decirle que la estás engañando, es llegar a tu casa, y de inmediato le empiezas a hacer el amor, y cuando estés en el climax de la relación, le dices que tienes una amante.

Don Pedro se va contento para su casa y apenas llega agarra a su mujer y le empieza a puro dar, y cuando llega al climax le dice:

Amor, tengo otra.

A lo que ella responde:

¡METEMELA POR ATRAS TONTITO!

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Hank!
Hank who?
Hank you!

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Vanessa!
Vanessa who?
Vanessa going to grow up?