Old and New Jokes

Knock knock



whos there?







poo







poo who?



knock knock





whos there?







poo







poo who?



Poo Nani.

I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I cant wait to exchange.

– Henry Youngman

An Amish boy was driving his horse-drawn buggy to town when he was stopped by a highway patrol officer.

Im not going to cite you, said the officer, I just wanted to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be dangerous.

I thank thee, said the Amish boy, I shall have my father repair it as soon as I return home.

Also, said the officer, I noticed that one of the reins to your horse is tied around your horses testicles. Some might consider this to be cruelty to animals so youd best have your father check this, too.

Again I thank thee, said the Amish boy, I shall have my father check this also when I return home.

True to his word, when the Amish boy got home he told his father about the broken reflector and his father said that he would repair it immediately.

Also, said the Amish boy, the policeman said that there was something wrong with our emergency brake.

A wife asks her husband, Honey, if I died, would you remarry?

After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship.

If I died and you remarried, the wife asks, would she live in this house?

We spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. Im not going to get rid of my house. I guess she would live in this house.

If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house, the wife asks, would she sleep in our bed?

Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $2,000. Its going to last a long time, so I guess she would.

If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house and slept in our bed, would she use my golf clubs? Oh, no, the husband replies. Shes left-handed.

Q: Did you hear that joke about the infinite line?
A: Dont worry, It doesnt have a point!

There once was pirate captain who, whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent would change into a red shirt. After observing this behavior for a few months, one of the crew members asked him what it meant."Its in case I get shot. I dont want you crew members to see blood and freak out." "Thats very sensible, sir." At that moment, the crew member spotted eight hostile ships on the horizon. The captain all of a sudden looked very concerned."Get my brown pants."

A pastor wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune to be made in
horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races. At the local auction, however, the going
price for a horse was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead.
He figured since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races, and to his surprise, the
donkey came in third. The next day the local paper carried this headline: Pastors Ass Shows
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won!
The local paper read: Pastors Ass Out Front.
The bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey
in another race. The next day, the local paper read: Bishop Scratches Pastors Ass
The bishop was fit to be tied. He ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to
give it to a nun in a nearby convent.The local paper, hearing the news, posted this headline the next
day: Nun Has Best Ass in Town
The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it
to a farmer for ten dollars. The next day, the paper read: Nun Sells Ass For $10.00
After the bishop was revived, he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains
where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read: Nun Announces Her Ass Is Wild and Free
The bishop was buried the next day.

Q: How can you tell the stage youre playing on is level?
A: The banjo player is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.

The inventor of the airplane borarding ramp has died at age 85. Funeral seating will begin half an hour before the service, with preferential treatment for immediate family members, followed by friends and relatives holding passes numbered 1 through 30.

Un agricultor le dice un día a un amigo: Tengo un árbol frutal que tiene el sabor de cuatro frutas diferentes.

Eso no puede ser cierto, es completamente imposible.

Así, que se van a la finca a probar el fruto. Una vez allí, el amigo muerde de un fruto y exclama:

Esto sólo sabe a melocotón.

Dale la vuelta, dale la vuelta, insiste el cultivador.

Le da la vuelta y el amigo responde asombrado: ¡Caramba, pero si es magnifico, también sabe a piña!

Dale la vuelta, dale la vuelta, vuelve a insistir el plantador.

¡Esto es impresionante, ahora tiene el sabor del melón!

Pues dale otra vuelta y verás.

Le da otra vuelta y el amigo queda estupefacto: ¡Pero si esto es una bomba, sabe a mandarina, tienes que patentar este frutal!

Al cabo de unos meses, se encuentran otra vez y el agricultor le dice al amigo: Ahora tengo una fruta que da el sabor de las mujeres.

¡Eso si que es imposible, no puede existir esa fruta!

De modo que van a la finca y el amigo desprende una del árbol.

¡Aaahhjj, pero si esto sabe a mierda!

¡Pues dale la vuelta, dale la vuelta!