Old and New Jokes

Yo mama so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesnt have to kiss her goodbye.

Yo mama so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!

The last words of a chemist:

10. *H* stands for Nitrogen – and that does *not* burn…

11. Oh, now I have spilt something…

12. First the acid, then the water…

Pepito estaba en su cuarto viendo una película mexicana donde escuchaba muchas malas palabras, y como él no sabía el significado de ninguna iba a preguntarle a su mamá y ella con mucha flojera, leyendo una revista, le contestaba lo primero que se le ocurría.

¡Mamá! ¡mamá! ¿qué significa pinche?

Tus tíos, hijo, tus tíos, o sea los hermanos de tu papá.

¡Mamá! ¡mamá! ¿qué significa cabrones?

Los sillones hijo, los sillones.

¡Mamá! ¡mamá! ¿qué significa pendejo?

Mmmmhhhhh… tu papá hijo, tu papá.

Entonces tocan la puerta los tíos de pepito y él abre y al verlos le dice:

Pasen pinches, siéntense en los cabrones que hay viene el pendejo.

A bear said to a rabbit,Do you have problems with poop sticking to your fur? The rabbit said,No, why? Then the bear picked up the rabbit and wiped his butt.

On the first day of creation, God created the cat…. On the second day, God created man to serve the cat…. On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth to serve as potential food for the cat…. On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the cat…. On the fifth day, God created the sparkle ball so that the cat might or might not play with it…. On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the cat healthy and the man broke…. On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to scoop the litterbox….

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

93. Every Thursday, pack up everything you own and tell your roommate youre going home. Come back in an hour and explain that no one was home. Unpack everything and go to sleep.

Never say no.

K.O. — Hashgacha of the World Boxing Federation

DANNY K — Supervision of the Vaad HaComedians

K SERA SERA — Hashgacha given by liberal branches of Judaism

K MART — Hashgacha given by Rabbis who have decided


to discount their normal fees and make money through volume.

YUD K, VOV K — Under Divine Supervision

IM OKAY, YOURE OKAY — Hashgacha given by the local psychiatric association.

Ron and James had been camping together for a week when they finally had enough of each other, so Ron had an idea for the two to wake up early the next day and hike in opposite directions for the day and meet at the campground for dinner. James agreed.

So around 6 the next evening they meet up. Ron says I hiked north and came up to a beautiful spring, I swam for a few hours, then stretched out on the shore to dry and I watched a deer drink from the spring… it was so wonderful.

James said Wow, you had a good day. I went south and ran into some railroad tracks, I followed them east until I came across a woman tied to the tracks, I untied her and we had sex in every imaginable way all day.

Ron was so jealous Your day was so much better than mine… did you get a blow job?

Nope James replied, I couldnt find her head!