– Yo Mamas so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said Sorry, no professionals
– Yo Mamas so ugly, just after she was born, her mother said, What a treasure! and her father said, Yeah! Lets go bury it!
– Yo Mamas so ugly, they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
– Yo Mamas so ugly, when she was born, the doctor slapped the wrong end.
– Yo Mamas so ugly, they didnt make a costume for her when she tried out for Star Wars.
– Yo Mamas so ugly, when she walks down the street in September, people say, Damn! Is it Halloween already?
– Yo Mamas so ugly, the govt. moved Halloween to her birthday.
– Yo Mamas so ugly, her mom had to feed her with a sling shot.
– Yo Mamas so ugly, she had to trick-or-treat over the phone.
– Yo Mamas so ugly, two guys broke into her apt., she yelled rape, they yelled NO!
– Yo mamas so ugly, shes like Taco Bell. When people see her, they run for the border.
– Yo mamas so ugly, it looks like her neck threw up.
– Yo mamas so ugly, rice crispies wont even talk to her.
– Yo mamas so ugly, she scares people even with the lights out.
– Yo mamas so ugly, they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
– Yo mamas so ugly, when your dad wants to have sex in the car, he tells her to get out.
– Yo mamas so ugly, that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesnt have to kiss her goodbye.
– Yo mamas so ugly, I took her to the zoo, guy at the door said Thanks for bringing her back.
Virtue is its own punishment.
Support the right to arm bears.
Joke found on http://www.randomjoke.com
A dying man gathered his Lawyer, Doctor and Clergyman at his bed side and handed each of them an envelope containing $25,000 in cash. He made them each promise that after his death and during his repose, they would place the three envelops in his coffin. He told them that he wanted to have
enough money to enjoy the next life. A week later the man died. At the Wake, the Lawyer and
Doctor and Clergyman, each concealed an envelop in the coffin and bid their old client and friend farewell.
By chance, these three met several months later. Soon the Clergyman, feeling guilty, blurted out a confession saying that there was only $10,000 in the envelop he placed in the coffin. He felt, rather than waste all the money, he would send it to a Mission in South America. He asked for their
forgiveness. The Doctor, moved by the gentle Clergymans sincerity, confessed that he too had kept some of the money for a worthy medical charity. The envelop, he admitted, had only $8000 in it. He said, he too could not bring himself to waste the money so frivolously when it could be used to
benefit others. By this time the Lawyer was seething with self-righteous outrage. He expressed his deep disappointment in the felonious behavior of two of his oldest and most trusted friends. I am the only one who kept his promise to our dying friend. I want you both to know that the envelop I placed in the coffin contained the full amount. Indeed, my envelope contained my personal check for
the entire $25,000.
Two guys and a union worker were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and joined them in the boat.
When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked humbly, Jesus, Ive suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam war… could you help me?
Of course, my son, Jesus said, and when he touched the mans back, he felt relief for the first time in years.
The second man, who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving, asked if Jesus could do anything about his eyesight.
Jesus smiled, removed the mans glasses and tossed them in the lake. When they hit the water, the mans eyes cleared and he could see everything distinctly.
When Jesus turned to the union worker, the guy put his hands up and cried defensively,
Dont touch me! Im on long-term disability!
Only one. But the lightbulb must want to change…
- Drink at age…
- 17 … Winecoolers
25 … White wine
35 … Red wine
48 … Dom Perignon
66 … Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser - Excuses for refusing dates at age…
- 17 … Need to wash my hair
25 … Need to wash and condition my hair
35 … Need to color my hair
48 … Need to have Francois color my hair
66 … Need to have Francois color my wig - Favorite sport at age…
- 17 … Shopping
25 … Shopping
35 … Shopping
48 … Shopping
66 … Shopping - Drug at age…
- 17 … Shopping
25 … Shopping
35 … Shopping
48 … Shopping
66 … Shopping - Definition of a Successful Date at age…
- 17 … Burger King
25 … Free meal
35 … A diamond
48 … A bigger diamond
66 … Home alone - Favorite fantasy at age…
- 17 … Tall, dark and handsome
25 … Tall, dark and handsome with money
35 … Tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
48 … A man with hair
66 … A man - House pet at age…
- 17 … Muffy the kitten
25 … Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat
35 … Irish setter and Muffy the Cat
48 … Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat
66 … Retired husband who dabbles in taxidermy and stuffs Muffy the
Cat - The ideal age to get married at age…
- 17 … 17
25 … 25
35 … 35
48 … 48
66 … 66 - Ideal date at age…
- 17 … He offers to pay
25 … He pays
35 … He cooks breakfast the next morning
48 … He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
66 … He can chew breakfast
MACINTOSH stands for…
Most Applications Crash, If Not, The Operating System Hangs.
How many new age Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Answer: New age Jews take no position for or against light bulbs. They believe you should only use light bulbs if they work for you.
These are some of the error messages produced by Apples MPW C
compiler. They are all real. (If you must know I was bored one
afternoon and decompiled the String resources for the compiler.)
String literal too long (I let you have 512 characters; thats 3
more than ANSI said I should)
…And the lord said, lo, there shall only be case or default
labels inside a switch statement
A typedef name was a complete surprise to me at this point in your
program
You cant modify a constant, float upstream, win an argument with
the IRS, or satisfy this compiler
This struct already has a perfectly good definition
type in (cast) must be scalar; ANSI 3.3.4; page 39, lines 10-11 (I
know you dont care, Im just trying to annoy you)
Cant cast a void type to type void (because the ANSI spec. says
so, thats why)
Huh?
Cant go mucking with a void *
We already did this function
This label is the target of a goto from outside of the block
containing this label AND this block has an automatic variable with
an initializer AND your window wasnt wide enough to read this whole
error message
Call me paranoid but finding /* inside this comment makes me
suspicious
Too many errors on one line (make fewer)
Symbol table full — fatal heap error; please go buy a RAM upgrade
from your local Apple dealer