Old and New Jokes

Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw 911 on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

One day a lady came in running into police station where santa singh was police inspector…
And she said praji..praji gajab ho gaya

Santa singh asked bhenji ki ho gaya
The lady replied mere pati 6 din pehle gobi ki sabji lene bazaar gaye the, aur abhi tak woh nahi laute hain

On that santa singh replied koi gal nahin bhenji, tusi aur koi sabji bana lo.

… lady why she didnt report the robbery right away.
I didnt know it was a robbery right away. It looked like my husband had been looking for a clean shirt.

…with a prison van on the Kingston Pass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for sixteen hardened criminals.

Q: What kind of tricycle does a blonde have?

A: The one with the kick stand.

Dos amigas se encuentran en una tienda de departamentos:

¡Mariiitza!, qué gusto verte, la última vez coincidimos en la boda de Carmelita, hace como 15 años. Sí, así fue. ¡Oye!, por poco y no te reconozco, ¡qué acabada estás! Yo tampoco te reconocía, de no ser por tu vestido, no me hubiera acordado de ti.

Dos amigos están platicando: ¿Oye, tú sabes quien es Bill Clinton?

No, no sé ¿quien es?

¿Qué no vas a los congresos, a las conferencias masivas? Bill Clinton es el presidente de los Estados Uidos. Bueno, te voy a hacer otra pregunta, ¿sabes quien es Ernesto Zedillo?

No, no sé ¿quien es?

Bueno, ¿qué tú no vas a los congresos, a las conferencias masivas? Ernesto Zedillo es el presidente de la República Mexicana.

Bueno, ahora yo te pregunto. ¿Tú sabes quien es Fernando Padilla?

No, no sé ¿quien es?

Pues es el que se acuesta con tu mujer cuando tu vas a los congresos y a las conferencias masivas…

Theres this guy and one day, when he pissing, he notices that his penis is orange. He goes, What the hell? and he went to the doctor the next day. Doc, whys my penis orange? he asks. The doctor goes, Hmm. Never seen anything like it. Here, take a couple of these pills and come back here tomorrow.

So the guy takes the pills back home and uses it that night. The next day, he goes back to the doctor and the stuff doesnt do anything. So, the doctor gives him some stronger stuff and tells him to come back the next day. He takes it home and the next day, his penis is still orange. He goes back to the doctor and he gives him the strongest stuff they have. You know, hell be out for twelve hours and he cant eat or drink anything during that time, etc. He comes back a couple days later and his penis is still orange.



The doctor goes, Damn. Whats going on? What kind of sex have you been having?



The guy goes, Well, actually, I havent gotten any in a long time.



So the doctor thinks a little bit and asks, Well, whatd you do last night?



The guy says, Um, I was looking at some pornos and eating some Cheetoes.

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident but its a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, So youre a man, thats interesting. Im a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! Theres nothing left but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.



The man replied, I agree with you completely This must be a sign from God!



The woman continued, And look at this, heres another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didnt break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune. Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man shakes his head in agreement, opens it and takes a few very large swigs from the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, Arent you having any? The woman replies, No. I think Ill just wait for the police…

Had a cousin once who was the town drunk. Not that unusual really, unless
you considered the fact that he lived in New York.