10
Sep

The Job Interview…

Boudreaux went into the fish market to apply for a job. The boss thought to himself – Im not hiring that lazy Cajun, so he decided to set a test for Boudreaux hoping he wouldnt be able to answer the questions and hed be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.

The first question was – Without using numbers, represent the number 9.

Boudreaux says, Dats easy and proceeds to draw three trees.

The boss says, What in the world is that?

Boudreaux says, Tree n tree n tree makes nine.

Fair enough says the boss. Second questions, same rules, but represent 99.

Boudreaux stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree. Der ya go sir, he says.

The boss scratches his head and asks, How on earth do you get that to represent 99?

Boudreaux answers, Each tree is dirty now, so its dirty tree n dirty tree n dirty tree – dat 99.

The boss is getting worried hes going to have to hire Boudreaux so he says, All right, question number 3. Same rules again, but this time represent the number 100.

Boudreaux stares into space again, then he shouts, I got it!

He makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, Der ya go sir – 100.

The boss looks at Boudreauxs attempt and thinks, Ha! got him this time. He then tells Boudreaux, Go on, Boudreaux, you must be crazy if you think that represents a 100.

Boudreaux leans forward and points to the little marks at the tree bases and says…

A little dog comes along and craps by each tree, so now ya got –

dirty tree an a turd, dirty tree an a turd, and dirty tree an a turd, which makes 100.

When do I start my job?!

10
Sep

The grasshopper joke!

So this grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says Hey! Your a grasshopper! We have a drink named after you!.

The grasshopper says Oh yeah? You have a drink named Leonard?!.

10
Sep

Princess Di and Mother Theresa

You know how Princess Diana and Mother Theresa died around about the same time? Well they both went up to heaven. St. Peter met them at the entrance to the pearly gates. He said You both must show me something to prove your worth, going into heaven.

Mother Theresa went first. She walked up to St. Peter and lifted her habit and flashed her breasts at him.

He said okay. Princess Di?

Princess Di smiled and walked over into the corner, did a squat and pissed. St. Peter gave it careful consideration.

Finally he decided. Princess Di. Youre in. Sorry Mother Theresa, but a Royal Flush, beats two of a kind!!!!!

09
Sep

Fun to do during an exam

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

16. Do the entire exam in another language. If you dont know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.

09
Sep

Estaba un seor sentado en

Estaba un señor sentado en la barra del bar y le grita al cantinero:

Cantinero, deme una copa más.

Y antes de tomarse la copa escupe al piso y diciendo:

Puffffs, Puffffs, Puffffs, qué bueno para manejar ese cabrón.

Y le pide otra copa al cantinero y antes de tomar la copa hace lo mismo de agarrarle una escupidera.

Puffffs, Puffffs, Puffffs, qué bueno para manejar ese cabrón.

Y el cantinero extrañado le pregunta:

Dígame ¿qué le pasa a usted que escupe cada rato y dice esa frase?

Mire… Cuando venia para acá, me traía un colega en su autómovil, pero cuando íbamos a dar una vuelta peligrosa en la montaña nos encontramos a dos trailers juntos, uno por cada carril, sólo quedaba un espacio en medio de los dos como para pasar en dos llantas y yo aterrorizado le grito a mi colega ¡SI ME SALVAS DE ESTA TE LA MAMO!

Y terminando de decir eso dice el señor:

Puffffs, Puffffs, Puffffs, qué bueno para manejar ese cabrón.

09
Sep

Sexy Jewish Skeleton

What did the Jewish Skeleton say to the fat man?




if youve got my body and you think its sexy come on baby give it back

09
Sep

Irishman walked into a bar…

An Irishman walks into a bar. He walked up to the bartender. The bartender asks Whadda want, ya curs-ed Irish lush? The Irishman blinked twice, then pulled out a notepad and wrote something in it. The bartender asked Whaddya writing, ya damned green foot? The Irishman, with a tear in his eye, held up the notepad revealing the words I may be Irish, but I still have feelings. The bartender looked down, then exclaimed, Youre right, this world would be a better place if we all just love a little more. The two became best friends.

gavinfx@yahoo.com

09
Sep

You know youre addicted to photoshop when..

You see the world with one eye and stock images with the other.

When asked what the primary colors are, answer RGB

You get the urge to fix poor quality images.

You start teaching your significant other to use this evil program and in the space of one afternoon convince them its at least only quasi-evil in the face of PSP.

You ramble about a breakthrough in the piece youre doing to people who have no idea in hell what youre talking about

You ponder the meaning of existence without layers.

You never leave the house without a digicam and notepad.

You drop something and your brain tells you automatically Ctrl-Z! Ctrl-Z!. When you realize it wont work, your brain tells you Ctrl-Alt-Z! Ctrl-Alt-Z!

Youre getting dressed for something important and you look in the mirror and realize you would look so much better if you could just tweak the levels a little and apply a slight gaussian blur.

You stop on the street to rant about cheesey effects that should not be on professional posters.

You scream out fonts as they appear on TV.

You have dreams in glowing edges

Youre standing by the ocean and wondering who used Ocean Ripple.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to Photoshop.

09
Sep

Competition

A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS.



He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES.



The shopkeeper panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read MAIN ENTRANCE.

08
Sep

El Presidente de la Repblica

El Presidente de la República al regresar de una de sus giras, y llegar a su vivienda

se da cuenta que en la pared del frente estaba escrito un grafiti:

El presidente debe morir, y lo más curioso del caso era que estaba escrito con orines.

Asustado, se va a las Oficinas de la Policia y entra gritando: Hay una amenaza de muerte en la pared frente de mi casa y está escrito con orines, quiero saber quien lo hizo y quiero saberlo ahora.

Los agentes de la Policia salen corriendo de la oficina, y horas más tarde se presentan donde el presidente y le dicen:

Señor presidente tenemos dos noticias, una mala y otra peor, ¿cual quiere

saber primero?

Deme la mala primero, dice el presidente.

Señor, analizamos el ADN de la muestra de orina, los resultados nos indican que la orina pertenece al señor Vicepresidente.

¡Oh Dios mío! me siento traicionado… ¡mi propio Vicepresidente! Pero y ¿cual es la peor noticia?

Señor, es que la letra es de su esposa…