Una bella mujer se está duchando cuando, de pronto, un intenso sismo sacude la ciudad. Despavorida, la chica sale corriendo desnuda hacia la calle alcanzando a llevarse los zapatos de su marido para taparse sus zonas privadas colocándose uno por delante y otro por detrás.
Al salir se encuentra con un borracho que la mira de arriba abajo. Indignada, la mujer le lanza:
¿Es que nunca ha visto una mujer desnuda?
Por supuesto, farfulla el tipo. Lo que nunca habÃa visto era un hombre tan escondido.
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
– Yo Mamas so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said Sorry, no professionals
– Yo Mamas so ugly, just after she was born, her mother said, What a treasure! and her father said, Yeah! Lets go bury it!
– Yo Mamas so ugly, they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
– Yo Mamas so ugly, when she was born, the doctor slapped the wrong end.
– Yo Mamas so ugly, they didnt make a costume for her when she tried out for Star Wars.
– Yo Mamas so ugly, when she walks down the street in September, people say, Damn! Is it Halloween already?
– Yo Mamas so ugly, the govt. moved Halloween to her birthday.
– Yo Mamas so ugly, her mom had to feed her with a sling shot.
– Yo Mamas so ugly, she had to trick-or-treat over the phone.
– Yo Mamas so ugly, two guys broke into her apt., she yelled rape, they yelled NO!
– Yo mamas so ugly, shes like Taco Bell. When people see her, they run for the border.
– Yo mamas so ugly, it looks like her neck threw up.
– Yo mamas so ugly, rice crispies wont even talk to her.
– Yo mamas so ugly, she scares people even with the lights out.
– Yo mamas so ugly, they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
– Yo mamas so ugly, when your dad wants to have sex in the car, he tells her to get out.
– Yo mamas so ugly, that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesnt have to kiss her goodbye.
– Yo mamas so ugly, I took her to the zoo, guy at the door said Thanks for bringing her back.
Posted in Yo Mama |
Virtue is its own punishment.
Posted in Business |
Support the right to arm bears.
Joke found on http://www.randomjoke.com
Posted in One Liners |
A dying man gathered his Lawyer, Doctor and Clergyman at his bed side and handed each of them an envelope containing $25,000 in cash. He made them each promise that after his death and during his repose, they would place the three envelops in his coffin. He told them that he wanted to have
enough money to enjoy the next life. A week later the man died. At the Wake, the Lawyer and
Doctor and Clergyman, each concealed an envelop in the coffin and bid their old client and friend farewell.
By chance, these three met several months later. Soon the Clergyman, feeling guilty, blurted out a confession saying that there was only $10,000 in the envelop he placed in the coffin. He felt, rather than waste all the money, he would send it to a Mission in South America. He asked for their
forgiveness. The Doctor, moved by the gentle Clergymans sincerity, confessed that he too had kept some of the money for a worthy medical charity. The envelop, he admitted, had only $8000 in it. He said, he too could not bring himself to waste the money so frivolously when it could be used to
benefit others. By this time the Lawyer was seething with self-righteous outrage. He expressed his deep disappointment in the felonious behavior of two of his oldest and most trusted friends. I am the only one who kept his promise to our dying friend. I want you both to know that the envelop I placed in the coffin contained the full amount. Indeed, my envelope contained my personal check for
the entire $25,000.
Posted in Lawyer |
Two guys and a union worker were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and joined them in the boat.
When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked humbly, Jesus, Ive suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam war… could you help me?
Of course, my son, Jesus said, and when he touched the mans back, he felt relief for the first time in years.
The second man, who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving, asked if Jesus could do anything about his eyesight.
Jesus smiled, removed the mans glasses and tossed them in the lake. When they hit the water, the mans eyes cleared and he could see everything distinctly.
When Jesus turned to the union worker, the guy put his hands up and cried defensively,
Dont touch me! Im on long-term disability!
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Only one. But the lightbulb must want to change…
Posted in Lightbulb |
MACINTOSH stands for…
Most Applications Crash, If Not, The Operating System Hangs.
Posted in General / Unsorted |
How many new age Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Answer: New age Jews take no position for or against light bulbs. They believe you should only use light bulbs if they work for you.
Posted in Jewish |