Old and New Jokes

Paul Carthy, 25, pleaded guilty in Exeter, England, in September to theft
subsequent to his original charge of shoplifting from a liquor store. In
the second theft, he had stolen the magnetic letters off the name board
that was held up to his face when his mug shot was taken.

One fall day Bill was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file. Intrigued, Bill went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse. “My wife,” the man replied. “Im sorry,” said Bill, “what happened to her?” “My dog bit her and she died.” Bill then asked the man who was in the second hearse. The man replied, “My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as well.”Bill thought about this for a while. He finally asked the man, “Can I borrow your dog?” To which the man replied, “Get in line.”

Your Mama is so fat that when she went to the zoo, the elephants threw peanuts at her.

Avtar & Kartar used to stay in same building . Avtar on the Ground floor & Kartar on the 25thfloor. One day when the lift was not working, Kartar invited Avtar for a Dinner. Avtar trudged up to 25th floor to find Kartars flat closed from outside and had a note which read : How did you enjoy your dinner ? Not to be outdone , Avtar wrote under it, Sorry , I could not make it .

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Rosina!
Rosina who?
Rosina vase!

Alert to company developments: An office gossip.

Approaches difficult problems with logic: Finds someone else to do the job.

Average: Not too bright.

Unos compadres iban a cruzar la frontera y como ya lo habían intentado varias veces y no lo lograban, decidieron disfrazarse de vaca entre los dos. Al pasar la frontera el compadre que venía detrás le dice al otro:

Compadre, compadre, apriete el paso que ahí viene un poli.

¡Compadre, apriete el culo que ahí viene un buey!, le responde el otro.

Bush and Powell were sitting in a bar. A guy walked in and asked the barman, Isnt that Bush and Powell?

The barman said, Yep, thats them.

So the guy walked over and said, Hello. What are you guys doing?

Bush said, Were planning World War III.

The guy asked, Really? Whats going to happen?

Bush said, Well, were going to kill 10 million Iraqis and one bicycle repairman.

The guy exclaimed, Why are you gonna kill a bicycle repairman?!

Bush turned to Powell and said, See, I told you no one would worry about the 10 million Iraqis!

Brilliants Law Of Limited Ambition: If you cant learn how to do it well, learn how to enjoy doing it poorly.

ArteryThe study of painting
BacteriaBack door to a cafeteria
BariumWhat undertakers do after the doctors treatment fails
BowelA letter like A,E,I,O or U
Caesarian SectionA district in Rome
Cat scanSearching for kitty
CauteriseMade eye contact with her
Colica sheep dog
ComaPunctuation Mark
CongenitalFriendly
D & CWhere Washington is
DilateTo live long
EnemaNot a friend
GenitalNot Jewish
GI SeriesSoldier Ball Game
GrippeSuitcase
HangnailCoat Hook
ImpotentDistinguished, well known
Labour PainGetting hurt at work
Medical StaffA doctors cane
MorbidHigh offer
NitrateCheaper than day rate
NodeWell aware of
OutpatientPerson who has fainted
Pap SmearFatherhood test
PelvisCousin of Elvis
Post operativeLetter carrier
ProstateFlat on your back
Recovery roomPlace to do upholstery
RectumDamn nearly killed him
RheumaticAmorous
SecretionHiding something
SeizureRoman emporer
TabletA small table
Terminal IllnessGetting sick at the airport
TibiaCountry in North Africa
TumourMore than one more
UrineOpposite to Your Out
VaricoseNear by
VeinConceited