Dear God/Goddess,
On the assumption that you MIGHT exist, please grant me decisivity.
On the other hand, I think I like it the way it is. Indecision can be fun sometimes.
What do you think? You know, I just cant make up my mind. To have or NOT to have? I think you have to decide for me.
If you decide to make me decisive, please wrap it in a beautiful package so its aesthetically pleasing.
Love, Libra
(P/s: i wrote that myself)
Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are. The first mouse orders a scotch, gulps it down and slams the glass on the bar. He turns to the second mouse and says, When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it 20 times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese. The second mouse orders two shots of bourbon, slams them down and nearly breaks the glasses on the bar. He turns to the first mouse and replies, Yeah, well, when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it into a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day. The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse. The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, I dont have time for this BS. I gotta go home and screw the cat.
A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment.
Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. Used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? Ill give you each a dollar if youll promise to come around every day and do your thing.
The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trash cans. After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face.
This recessions really putting a big dent in my income, he told them. From now on, Ill only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans.
The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they did accept his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus.
A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street. Look, he said, I havent received my Social Security check yet, so Im not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?
A lousy quarter? the drum leader exclaimed. If you think were going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, youre nuts! No way, mister. We quit!
And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.
Dictionary of Evaluation Comments
Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out.
QUICK THINKING: Offers plausible excuses for errors.
TAKES PRIDE IN WORK: Conceited.
TAKES ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPERTUNITY TO PROGRESS: Buys drinks for superiors.
Once there was a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. They all had to go to
the desert and take one thing.
The brunette took a water bottle, the redhead took an umbrella and the
blonde took a car-door.
They were walking in the desert with their objects and 3 men came up to
them and said to the Brunette, why have you got a water bottle? The
Brunette replied, To drink water!
They asked the redhead,why do you have an umbrella? She said,Because if
it gets hot I can have some shade.
Then they asked the blonde, Why do you have a car-door? She replied, If
it gets hot all I have to do is roll down the window!
A depressed blonde decided to commit suicide by hanging herself from a tree in the park. A few days later, a man was walking his dog and spotted her hanging from the tree.
He asks the blonde what she is doing and she replies, Im hanging myself.
Youre supposed to put the noose around your neck, not your waist, said the man.
I tried that, replied the blonde, but I couldnt breathe…
A great way to
lose weight is to eat while you are naked and standing in front of a mirror.
Restaurants will almost always throw you out before you can eat too much.
How can you tell a blonde is having a bad day?
A 50% discount on the 50th year of Independence sure does sound like a slick offer, right?
A software company which launched its new vernacular package recently had its sales rep. complaining Thank God,its not the 100th year!
Chalapathi, proud of being an Indian 🙂
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.