Old and New Jokes

Q: How do you keep a blonde busy all day?

A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.

Q: How does a blonde spell farm?

A: E-I-E-I-O

Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?

A: She drowns it.

Q: A blonde is going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?

A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?

A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?

A: Trying to hold on to a thought.

Q: Why did the blonde snort Nutra-Sweet?

A: She thought it was diet-coke.

Q: Why did the blonde bake a chicken for 3 and a half days?

A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.

Q: Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?

A: The noise was giving her a headache.

Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?

A: She heard that the drinks were on the house.

Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?

A: So you dont have to retrain them on Monday.

Q: Why did the blonde fail her driving test?

A: Every time she stopped the car, she jumped in the back seat.

Q: How does a blonde turn on the light after sex?

A: She opens the car door.

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brown?

A: Artificial Intelligence.

Q: What do you call a brunette between management & a blonde?

A: An interpreter.

Two junior co-eds went to the movies one night. ,





The first girl saidWhatshould I do? The



guy sitting next to me is masturbating.





Her friend replied, Dont do



anything. Just ignore it.





The first girl said, I cant.





Her friendsaid,Why cantyou ignore it?





The first one says, Because hes using



myhand!

The curfew in Belfast started at 10 pm and at 9.30 pm the British soldiers were leaving their barracks to enforce it.

A sergeant in charge of one of the patrols heard a shot ring out at 9.35 pm.

He soon discovered that Private Connolly had shot a man.

Its only 9.35 pm, roared the sergeant. Why did you shoot him?

I know that man, said Private Connolly, I know where he lives. He would never have got home by 10 oclock.

1. Acto religioso mediante el cual se crean un Cristo más y una virgen menos.

2. Un intercambio de malos humores durante el día y malos olores durante la noche.

3. Única sentencia a cadena perpetua que se cancela por mal comportamiento.

4. Situación en la que ninguna mujer obtiene lo que esperaba, y ningún hombre espera lo que obtiene.

5. Matemáticamente: suma de afectos, resta de libertades, multiplicación de responsabilidades, y división de bienes.

6. Dícese de la principal causa de divorcio.

7. Proceso químico por medio del cual, una media naranja se convierte en un medio limón.

8. Forma más rápida de ponerse gordo.

9. La única guerra en la que se duerme con el enemigo.

10. Es lo que resulta cuando, en la guerra de sexos, decides tomar una prisionera.

Q: What do you call a basement full of farmers?

A: A whine-cellar

Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?

A: Because it kept falling out.

If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?

Two bees ran into each other. One asked the other how things were going.

Really bad, said the second bee, the weather has been really wet and damp and there arent any flowers or pollen, so I cant make any honey

No problem, said the first bee, Just fly down five blocks and turn left and keep going until you see all the cars. Theres a Bar Mitzvah going on and there are all kinds of fresh flowers and fresh fruit.

Thanks for the tip said the second bee and flew away.

A few hours later the two bees ran into each other again and the first bee asked, Howd it go?

Fine, said the second bee, It was everything you said it would be. Uh, whats that thing on your head? asked the first bee.

Thats my yarmulka, said the second bee, I didnt want them to think I was a wasp.

A lady was expecting the plumber; he was supposed to come at ten oclock. Ten oclock came and went; no plumber; eleven oclock, twelve oclock, one oclock; no plumber.

She concluded he wasnt coming, and went out to do some errands. While she was out, the plumber arrived.

He knocked on the door; the ladys parrot, who was at home in a cage by the door, said, Who is it?

He replied, Its the plumber.

He thought it was the lady whod said, Who is it? and waited for her to come and let him in. When this didnt happen he knocked again, and again the parrot said, Who is it?

He said, Its the plumber!

He waited, and again the lady didnt come to let him in. He knocked again, and again the parrot said, Who is it?

He said, Its the plumber!!!!!!!!

Again he waited; again she didnt come; again he knocked; again the parrot said, Who is it?; Aarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh!!! he said, flying into a rage; he pushed the door in and ripped it off its hinges. He suffered a heart attack and he fell dead in the doorway.

The lady came home from her errands, only to see the door ripped off its hinges and a corpse lying in the doorway, A dead body! she exclaimed, Who is it?!

The parrot said, Its the plumber.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Mali!
Mali who?
Mali Brown!