Old and New Jokes

A sports writer interviewed the 14 time world champing female fisherman. what is your secret, do you have a favorite side of the boat or specail lure. no was the repley to the lure. as far as the side of the boat that depends on my husband. report says i don,t understand. well it is this way , i lift up the sheets in the morning and look at my husbands dong, if it is laying on his right leg i fish on the right side of the boat, if on the left i fish off the left side of the boat. reporter what if it is standing up??? well then to hell with going fishing

Three guys come up to your car a black man, a Mexican man, and a Chinese
man. All three of these men are ready to jump you, but you only have two
bullets in your gun.

Who do you shoot?

The black man twice.

Q: Whats the mating call of the blonde?
A: Im *sooo* drunk!

Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) I said: Im drunk!

Rick O Shea.

An old man of 70 married a young girl of

18. When they got into bed the night after the wedding, he held up three fingers.

Oh honey, said the young nymph, Does that mean were going to do it three times?

No, said the old man, it means you can take your pick.

Un grupo de monjitas va pasando por delante de San Pedro para entrar al cielo. Entonces éste le pregunta a la primera, Hermana Vernica, ¿Ha tocado usted un miembro masculino alguna vez?.

Ella le contesta que sí, pero que sólo lo tocó con un dedito.

Pues hermana, lávese el dedo aquí en el agua bendita, y luego entra.

A la segunda monja le hace la misma pregunta, y ella le responde que sí pero sólo con la mano.

Entonces… Hermana Yaritza, lava la mano en el agua bendita, y entra.

De pronto llega corriendo y empujando la hermana Yotsabé y se coloca al frente de la fila.

¿Por qué tanto apuro, hija mía?, le pregunta San Pedro.

Y la hermana responde: Porque si tengo que hacer gárgaras con esa agua bendita, quiero hacerlo antes de que la hermana Sonia se lave el culo.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

141. Buy a watermelon. Draw a face on it and give it a name. Ask your roommate if the watermelon can sleep in his/her bed. If your roommate says no, drop the watermelon out the window. Make it look like a suicide. Say nasty things about your roommate at the funeral.

When the product is destined to fail, the delivery system will perform perfectly.

Any smoothly functioning technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo.

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.