Yo mama so lazy that she came in last place in a recent snail marathon.

Parasites par-uh-sites: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.

Pharmacist farm-uh-sist: A helper on the farm.

Polarize po-lur-ize: What penguins see with.

Un día la maestra le dice a los estudiantes: Para mañana tienen que decirme cuales son sus dos colores favoritos.

Entonces pepito piensa en el rojo y violeta y va por todo el camino a su casa: rojo, violeta, rojo, violeta. Se acuesta a dormir, rojo y violeta…

Al otro dia va camino a la escuela repitiendo rojo y violeta, finalmente llega al salón y la maestra pregunta: Rosita, ¿cuáles son tus dos colores?

Rosita contesta: Amarillo y verde.

La maestra pregunta: Eliezer, ¿cuáles son tus dos colores?

Eliezer contesta: Anaranjado y verde.

La maestra pregunta: Juan, ¿cuáles son tus dos colores?

juan, el negrito de la clase, contesta: Rojo y violeta.

Por fin la maestra le pregunta a Pepito: ¿Y tus colores cuáles son?

Y pepito furioso contesta: Negro carbón.

Un par de amigos estaban bebiendo en un bar, cuando uno entre sollozos le dice al otro:

Hermano, ayer encontre a mi mujer haciendo el amor con otro hombre en mi propia casa y en mi cama.

No lo puedo creer, pero dime ¿tu que medidas tomaste?

¡Pues que medidas voy a tomar si todo lo tenía adentro!

A doctor is going about his business, with a rectal thermometer tucked behind his ear.



He goes into a staff meeting to discuss the days activities, when a co-worker asks why he has a thermometer behind his ear?



In a wild motion he grabs for the thermometer, looks at it and exclaims, – Damn, some asshole has my pen!

Q: What has four legs and an arm?

A: A happy pit-bull

An engineering student was walking across campus when another engineer rides up on a shiny new motorcycle.



Where did you get such a great bike? asked the first.



The second engineer replied,



Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, Take what you want.



The second engineer nodded approvingly, Good choice; The clothes probably wouldnt have fit.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Kenya!
Kenya who?
Kenya guess who is it?

He who knows nothing, knows nothing. But he who knows he knows nothing knows something. And he who knows someone whose friends wifes brother knows nothing, he knows something. Or something like that.

The squeaky wheel doesnt always get the grease; sometimes it gets replaced.