A guy and his son go into a bar. The son is just a head though. The man asks the bartender for two shots. The man takes one shot and gives the other one to his son. The son swallows down the drink and out pops an arm. The man thought,Hey this is good. So he asks for two more shots. He drinks one and gives the other to his son again, and out pops another arm. The man the asks for a double and gives it to his son. The son throws it down and suddenly explodes. The bartender looks over at the man and says, Looks like he should have quit while he was ahead.
08
Nov
08
Nov
A little boy on the way to school one day saw a drunk playing with himself in an alley. The boy asked what he was doing. The drunk said playing with my birdie, playing with my birdie He then passed out. When he came to he was in the hospital, in pain around his groin area. He asked the Dr what happened, the Dr brought in the little boy and told him to answer the man. The boy said after you went to sleep mister, I played with your birdie and he spit at me so I broke his neck, cracked his eggs and set his nest on fire
08
Nov
There was three girls a brown head, a red head, and a blonde head. They where going to go on a hike in the desert and the brown head said she would take some food if they got hungry, the red head said she would bring water if they got thirsty, and the blonde head said shed bring a car door……..so if they got hot she could roll down the window.
08
Nov
Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her friends, My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him Father.
The second Catholic woman chirps, My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, Your Grace.
The third Catholic woman says smugly, My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, Your Eminence.
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence.
The first three women give her this subtle Well…?
She replies, My son is a gorgeous, 62, hard-bodied stripper………… Whenever he walks into a room, people say, Oh my God….
08
Nov
it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes
when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends
she tried to put M&Ms in alphabetical order
she sold the car for gas money
she got stabbed in a shoot out
when asked on an application, Sex?, she marked, M, F and sometimes Wednesday too.
she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif
***yo mama so fat***
when she stood on the bathroom scale, it said to be continued…..
last time she saw 90210 was on the bathroom scale
when she steps on a scale, it read one at a time, please
her nickname is DAMN
people jog around her for exercise
shes got her own area code
even Bill Gates couldnt pay for her liposuction
she has more chins then a hong kong phone book
***yo mama so nasty***
shes like a brick, rough around the edges and gets laid by mexicans every day
she has lobsters instead of crabs
***yo mama so ugly***
she joined an ugly contest, and they said, sorry, no professionals.
she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning
that if ugly were bricks shed have her own projects
she makes blind kids cry
she makes onions cry
***your mama so old***
her security code is 000-00-0001
when god said,let there be light, she flicked the switch.
08
Nov
Why does Bill Clinton wear underwear?
To keep his ankles warm.
08
Nov
What is black, blue, red, and brown?
A Brewnette that has told to many Blonde Joke.
What does a brewnette always miss at a great party?
The invitation.
Why are blonde jokes so short?
So that brewnettes can understand them.
What is a fine lookin man with a brewnette?
A hostage.
08
Nov
When Micheal Jacksons ex-girlfriend had his baby, Michael asked, Honey, its been nine months. When can I have sex again?
She said, Damn, Michael… at least let the kid learn how to walk first!
08
Nov
Whats the difference between your wife and your job?
After 5 years your job will still suck.
08
Nov
A poor little lonely old lady lived in a house with only her cat as a friend.
One day, the lights went out as she sat knitting; she had been unable to pay
the electric bill. So, she went up to the attic and got an old oil lamp from
her childhood. As she rubbed it clean a genie appeared and allowed her three
wishes.
First, I want to be so rich I never have to worry about money again.
Second, I want to be young and beautiful again.
And last, I want you to change my little cat into a handsome prince.
*POOF*
As the smoke cleared she saw she was surrounded by big bags of coins, and
that in the mirror was a young beautiful woman. She turned as the handsome
prince walked in the door, held her in his arms and said,
Now Ill bet youre sorry you took me to the vet for that little operation.
Ken.