Un tontilandés compra un carro nuevo. Al segundo dÃa, regresa con el auto muy decepcionado por la compra. El vendedor preocupado se dirige hacia el cliente:
Pero, señor, ¿qué le ha pasado?
¡Este carro no sirve, es una porquerÃa!
¿Por qué dice eso, si es un auto nuevo?
Pues no sirve, ya que de dÃa lo pongo en la D de dÃa y funciona bien; pero de noche, cuando lo pongo en la N de noche, ya no camina para nada.
Oh, Laura! cried her neighbor, Im so very sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. He was such a wonderful man. Im sure he left you well provided for, didnt he?
Laura dabbed at her eyes and muttered, Yes, he was a very caring husband and he left me almost half a million dollars in his will. I miss him so much that Id give fifty thousand just to have him back!
Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.The passenger, Bubba, said lookey thar up ahead, Earl, its a poll-ice roadblock!!Were gonna get busted fer drinkin these here beers!!Dont worry, Bubba, Earl said. Well just pull over and finish drinkin these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat.What fer?, asked Bubba.
Just let me do the talkin, OK?, said Earl.Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat, and each put a label on their forehead.
When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, You boys been drinkin?No, sir, said Earl. Wes on the patch!
Two robins were sitting in a tree. Im really hungry, said the first one. Me, too said the second. Lets fly down and find some lunch.
They flew to the ground and found a nice plot of plowed ground full of worms. They ate and ate and ate and ate til they could eat no more.
Im so full I dont think I can fly back up to the tree, said the first one. Me either. Lets just lay here and bask in the warm sun, said the second.
O.K. said the first.
They plopped down, basking in the sun.
No sooner had they fallen asleep, a big fat tom cat snuck up and gobbled them up. As he sat washing his face after his meal, he thought…
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> …I just love baskin robins!
NOTICE: You may wish to delay reading this until you have more free time.
There was once a clairvoyant little boy, who could foresee the future. One night while saying his prayers, the little boy was heard to finish, God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma, goodbye Grandpa. The next day his grandfather dropped dead of a heart attack.
A few weeks later, the little boy was praying, God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, goodbye Grandma. The next day his poor grandmother was hit by a bus while crossing the street – she never felt a thing.
A month or so later, the little boy was praying and said, God bless Mommy, goodbye Daddy.
His father panicked. He had himself driven, very carefully and slowly, to work, by an armed guard in an armored security truck he hired. He couldnt concentrate, however, thinking about those words, Goodbye Daddy. He finally came home early, but very carefully. He was met at the front door by his wife, who said, What do you think happened today, dear? The most awful thing – the milkman dropped dead on the back porch.
Oh, well, as I alway say, a sacred cow exists only to be milked for laughs.
Yo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway!
Yo mama so stupid that she tried to put M&Ms in alphabetical order!
Q: How many politically correct people does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. Why should we impose our values on the lightbulb ? If it wishes to be a lightbulb of no light, we should respect its uniqueness and individuality.
Un inglés llega a Roma en viaje de negocios. Entra a su cuarto de hotel y al comenzar a desvestirse tocan la puerta; es un italiano que le dice:
Il signore vorrebbe una sigorina per fare lamore?
¡No, mà venir sólo en viaje de negocios!
Al rato, una vez hecho su aseo personal, tocan de nuevo a la puerta. El mismo personaje:
Ma, non vorrebbe una signorina, cosà cosá?
¡No señor, no insista!, y cierra la puerta con Ãmpetu.
Cuando ya estaba por dormirse, vuelve nuevamente el insistente ciudadano:
E una giovanotta?
¡Mire, tráigame al Papa!
El italiano se va, y el inglés se acuesta a dormir por fin; pero al rato, nuevamente, golpean la puerta. Era el italiano que, compungido dice:
Guardi, il Papa proprio, no; ma, certo cardinale…