This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say the helpdesk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for Termination without Cause. Actual dialogue of a former Wordperfect Customer Support employee:
Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?
Yes, well, Im having trouble with WordPerfect.
What sort of trouble?
Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away
Went away?
They disappeared.
Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?
Nothing.
Nothing?
Its blank; it wont accept anything when I type.
Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?
How do I tell?
Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?
Whats a sea-prompt?
Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?
There isnt any cursor: I told you, it wont accept anything I type.
Does your monitor have a power indicator?
Whats a monitor?
Its the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when its on?
I dont know.
Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?
Yes, I think so.
Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if its plugged into the wall.
…….Yes, it is.
When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?
No.
Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.
……. Okay, here it is.
Follow it for me, and tell me if its plugged securely into the back of your computer.
I cant reach.
Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?
No.
Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?
Oh, its not because I dont have the right angle – its because its dark.
Dark?
Yes -the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
Well, turn on the office light then.
I cant.
No? Why not?
Because theres a power outage.
A power… A power outage? Aha, Okay, weve got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?
Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.
Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.
Really? Is it that bad?
Yes, Im afraid it is.
Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?
Tell them youre too stupid to own a computer.
3 men where at the FBI Building for a job interview.
The first man walked into the office . The interviewing FBI agent said To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun. The man took the gun, hesitated, and said Sorry, I cant do it.
The next interviewee came into the office. The Agent said To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room.I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun. The man took the gun, walked into the room, then walked out. Sorry, he said.
The last man came into the office. The inverviewer said To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun. The man took the gun and went into the room. The Agent heard 6 shots, silence, then a lot of screaming.
The man came out of the room and said Someone loaded the gun with blanks, so I beat her to death with the curtain railing!
Little Jane was sitting in her red wagon with her dads fireman hat on, and her father walked by and said man that sure is a fine fire engine you have there.. all you need is a hose, a siren and a motor, and it would be perfect.
The next day her father walks by her again and now she has her hose strapped to the side, a dog tied to the front, and a cat tied to the back.
He says, Wow! That really looks like a fire engine now, but I think you were also suppose to tie the cat in the front and she says Then how would I have a siren?
I asked a Jew who he was going to vote for as president. He said, "Well, the last time Jews listened to a bush, they wandered in the desert for 40 years."
Stan Can and Sam Clam were buddies. Sam owned a disco and Stan enjoyed going there. One night, Sam asked Stan to play his harp, since the band unexpectedly didnt show up. The crowd loved it. Thereafter, Stan played in Sams club every night. His reputation grew, until another club offered him a job. He went for the interview, but when he arrived, the manager asked him to play a little on his harp. Stan hadnt realized he was expected to bring his instrument with him. So he simply told the manager, I left my harp in Sam Clams disco!
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horses mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horses neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horses pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground,she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.
Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911: Blonde: We need help. Were three blondes changing a light bulb.
Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?
Blonde: Yes.
Operator: The power in the house in on?
Blonde: Of course.
Operator: And the switch is on?
Blonde: Yes, yes.
Operator: And the bulb still wont light up?
Blonde: No, its working fine.
Operator: Then whats the problem?
Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves.
I used up all my sick days, so Im calling in dead.
Note: this is a really long joke, so all of you with the tiny attention spans might as well skip thisThere once were two sisters, a blond and a redhead.
Their great uncle died, and they inherited the farm. To add to the misfortune of the loss of their uncle, the farm was in bad shape, and the girls were broke. All they had with the farm was a cow and $700 dollars.
In order to get more cows, the girls decided to get a bull with the money. The plan was for the redhead to catch a ride with the blonde and get dropped off while the blonde went off to work at the farm. Then, the redhead would telegraph her and get her to drive over and pick up the bull since it was so heavy and, being new, untamed.
When the redhead arrived, she found a great bull on sale for $699, so she got it, leaving her with only a dollar left.
When she went over to the telegrapher and asked to sent a one-word telegraph (each word was a dollar, you see.), the man asked her what word to send.
After long consideration, she decided to send the word comfortable.
When asked why, she responded,shes a blond, shell read it slowly.
A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago.
The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erodeyour stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is themost dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?
A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, Wedding cake.