Old and New Jokes

A little boy went up to his father and asked,

Dad is god a boy or a girl?



Both son both



Then the little boy asked dad is god black or white?



Both son both.



Ten minutes later the boy came down stairs and asked



Dad is Micheal Jackson God?

A buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, “Make me one with everything.”

A pregnant woman fell into a coma while delivering healthy twins. She woke up in the hospital and asked, Where are my babies?

The nurse answered, Theyre staying with your brother. He even named them for you.

The mother asked, Well, what are their names?

The nurse replied, Your little girl is named Denise.

The mother said, Oh, thats a lovely name. What did he name the little boy?

The nurse answered, Denephew.

Employers across the country are complaining that laid-off Verizon workers are coming in looking for work and saying, Can you hire me, now? Can you hire me, now? Can you hire me, now?

Guy goes to a doctor and says, Doc, youve got to help me. My penis is
orange. Doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he
can check. Damned if the guys penis isnt orange. Doc tells the guy,
This
is very strange. Sometimes things like this are caused by a lot of stress
in a persons life.

Probing as to the causes of possible stress, the doc asks the guy, How
are
things going at work? The guy responds that he was fired about six weeks
ago. The doctor tells him that this must be the cause of the stress. Guy
responds, No. The boss was a real asshole, I had to work 20-30 hours of
overtime every week and I had no say in anything that was happening. I
found a new job a couple of weeks ago where I can set my own hours, Im
getting paid double what I got on the old job and the boss is a really
great guy. So the doc figures this isnt the reason.

He asks the guy, Hows your home life? The guy says, Well, I got
divorced about eight months ago. The doc figures that this has got to be
the reason for all of the guys stress. Guy says, No. For years, all I
listened to was nag, nag, nag. God, am I glad to be rid of that old
bitch.
So the doc takes a few minutes to think a little longer.

He inquires, Do you have any hobbies or a social life? The guy replies,
No, not really. Most nights I sit home, watch some porno flicks and
munch
on Cheetos.

Un niño pequeño jugando dentro de su casa se acerca sigilosamente a la habitación de su hermana mayor, quien se encontraba desde hacía una hora encerrada con su novio. El chico entreabrió cuidadosamente la puerta de la habitación sin que ellos se dieran cuenta, observó por un instante y luego se alejó moviendo la cabeza y exclamando:

¡Y pensar que a mí me llevan al psicólogo tan sólo porque me gusta chuparme el dedo!

The veterinarian told the blonde that her dog needed some exercise.



You need to make sure the dog runs around, the doctor said. Try playing a game of fetch the ball.



I cant play fetch with my dog, the blonde said.



Why not? the doctor asked.



Because, she replied, He cant throw, duh.

Teller: Why did the blonde move to L.A.?

Blonde: I dont know. Why?

Teller: It was easier to spell.

Blonde: Easier than what?

What do you call the pope?


Your Holiness

What do you call the Queen of England?


Your Majesty

What do you call a judge?


Your Honour

What do you call the US-Foreign Secretary?


Nigger