Old and New Jokes

A man went to the doctor with a really bad infection. The doctor informed him he had Aids with just about every kind of infection there is to go along with it.

The patient asked the doc what they were going to do for him. The doc answered that he was going to put him on a diet.

A diet! What kind of diet? questioned the patient.

Pizza & pancakes, answered the doc.

Pizza and pancakes! Will that help? queried the patient.

The doctor replied: I dont know, but its the only thing we know of that we can slide under the door to you.

Two women were talking over coffee.
Why so glum, Sue?
Well, I met this guy at the train station last night but all he talked about was his late wife.
So, at least you know hes single.
No, he left with her when she finally showed up.

How do you fit 40

cubans into a telephone booth?

TELL THEM IT FLOATS!

Go where the money is.

The number of people watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to put in his mouth.

Q. Why dont women blink during foreplay?

A. It doesnt last long enough!

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him the beer and says, You know, Im not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! I have a question though, why is your head so small?
The big guy nods slowly. Hes obviously fielded this question many times.
One day, he begins, I was hunting when I got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help and finally realized that it was coming from a frog sitting next to a stream.
So I picked up the frog and it said, Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you 3 wishes.
So I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman.
She said, You now have 3 wishes.
I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenegger.
She nodded, whispered a spell, and POOF! there I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked!
She then asked, What will be your second wish?
I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream. She nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me. We then made love for hours!
Later, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, You know, you do have one more wish. What will it be?
I looked at her and replied, How about a little head?

Nintendo is planning to introduce a new toy for Christmas. It called the Game Girl.

Game Girl is not suitable for boys below 15 years. Game Girl is available in two versions; the pocket Game Girl and the Game Girl 64. With the introduction of the new toy Nintendo hopes that its sales would double by the end of 98.

A blonde wanted to buy personalized license plates but she couldnt afford them. So she changed her name to JKM345.