Your teeth are so busted that you can kiss your mother and comb her mustache at the same time.
17
Aug
17
Aug
A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled
down his window and said to the officer, Is there a problem,
Officer?
No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am
pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations.
What do you think youre going to do with the money?
He thought for a minute and said, Well, I guess Ill go get that
drivers license.
The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman,
Oh, dont pay attention to him – hes a smarty-pants when hes drunk
and stoned.
The guy from the back seat said, I TOLD you guys we wouldnt get
far in a stolen car!
At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled
voice said, Are we over the border yet?
17
Aug
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
16
Aug
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Igloo!
Igloo who?
Igloo knew Suzie like I know Suzie…!
16
Aug
A la clase de Jaimito llega la nueva maestra, quien habla en tono ruso:
A ver, niños, para mañana todos de tarea tendrán que saber decir mi nombre adecuadamente, si no, estarán fuera de clases.
Todos los chamitos asustados comentando entre ellos. Con mucho miedo Juancito le pregunta: Maestra ¿cual es su nombre?
Y la maestra con tono ruso les dice Mi nombre es Vragina y lo escribe en el pizarrón
de la clase.
Todos los niños salen del salón de clases asustados, pensando para mañana. Jaimito desde luego comienza a pensar como se va a aprender ese nombre. En eso piensa en algo, se alegra y dice ¡Claro!, es muy fácil es simplemente Vagina con R y ya!.
Sigue caminando feliz, repitiendo una y otra vez Vagina con r, vagina con r, vagina con r.
Al otro dÃa la maestra manda a levantarse a Juanito: Di mi nombre, Valentina, la maestra
enfurecida: ¡Fuera del salon ingrato!
Rita, di mi nombre Vacenilla ¡NOOOO fuera!
Por supuesto que jaimito sigue pensando vagina con r, vagina con r, vagina con r.
La maestra dice A ver Jaimito di mi nombre. Mientras jaimito se va levantando sigue repitiendo Vagina con r, vagina con r, vagina con r…
La maestra insiste Di mi nombre. Entonces jaimito dice ¡CRUCA Maestra!
16
Aug
Maternity leave would last two years….with full pay.
There would be a cure for stretch marks.
Natural childbirth would become obsolete.
Morning sickness would rank as the nations #1 health problem.
All methods of birth control would be 100% effective.
Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained.
Men would be eager to talk about commitment.
They wouldnt think twins were so cute.
Sons would have to be home from dates by 10:00 PM.
Briefcases would be used as diaper bags.
Paternity suits would be a fashion line of clothes.
Theyd stay in bed during the entire pregnancy.
Restaurants would include ice cream and pickles as main entrees.
Women would rule the world.
16
Aug
Any error in any calculation will be in the direction of the most harm.
16
Aug
Eagles may soar, but weasels dont get sucked into jet engines.
16
Aug
How many bodybuilders does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five. One to screw it in, and the other four to stand around and say, Come on, dude… Just one more rep! You can do it! Yeah!
16
Aug
You might be a redneck if…
You can spit without opening your mouth.