What is the difference between a BMW & a porcupine? The pricks are on the inside.
05
Nov
05
Nov
Jack has stolen the rabbis gold watch and afterwards felt guilty about what he did.
After a sleepless night, he went to the rabbi.
Rabbi, I stole a gold watch.
But Jack, thats forbidden! You should return it immediately!
What shall I do?
Give it back to the owner.
Do you want it?
No, I said return it to its owner.
But he doesnt want it.
In that case, you can keep it.
04
Nov
Se encuentras dos conocidos:
“TÃo, ¿qué tal el safari por Ãfricaâ€.
“Calla, perdà de vista al guÃa; me entraron unos retortijones y que me puse a cagar detrás de un árbol, entonces vino un orangután y me enculóâ€.
“¡Joder, tÃo, qué fuerte! ¿Y cómo lo llevas?â€
“¡Muy mal… no me llama, no me escribe…!â€
04
Nov
1. If it rings, put it on hold.
2. If it clunks, call the repairman.
3. If it whistles, ignore it.
4. If its a friend, stop work and chat.
5. If its the boss, look busy.
6. If it talks, take notes.
7. If its handwritten, type it.
8. if its typed, copy it.
9. If its copied, file it.
10. If its Friday, forget it!
04
Nov
1. Works well only when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap
2. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
3. I would not allow this employee to breed.
4. This employee is really not so much of a has-been but more of a definite wont be.
5. Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
6. When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
7. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
8. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
9. She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
10. This employee should go far-and the sooner he starts the better.
11. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
12. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
13. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasnt watching.
14. A room temperature IQ.
15. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
16. A gross ignoramus-144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
17. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
18. A prime candidate for natural deselection.
19. Bright as Alaska in December.
20. One-celled organisms out score him in IQ tests.
21. Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
22. Fell out of the family tree.
23. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train is going nowhere.
24. Has two brains, one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
25. He is so dense, light bends around him.
26. If brains were taxed, hed get a rebate.
27. If he were any more stupid, hed have to be watered twice a week.
28. If you give him a penny for his thoughts, youd get change.
29. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
30. It is hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
31. One neuron short of a synapse.
32. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled.
33. Takes him 1 1/2 hours to watch the 60 minutes program.
34. Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.
35. Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
04
Nov
A teacher asked a pupil a question, but she could barely hear the child speaking since the other kids were making too much noise. In an attempt to quiet them, she said, I can hear voices!
Two janitors outside heard the teacher and one said to the other, Jeez, she better stop telling the kids about her mental problems!
04
Nov
(sung to the tune of Its a Small World)
Its a world of Tribbles, a world of cheer
Its a world of wackos with pointed ears,
Punch a Klingon for fun,
Set your phaser on stun,
Its a Trek world after all!
(Chorus)
Its a Trek world after all!
Young and old fen heed the call!
Most with stories, some quite tall!
Its a Trek, Trek world!
Its a world at warp speed, a world of stars
Drinking sauryan brandy in sleazy bars.
Captian Kirk gets around,
keeps two feet off the ground!
Its a Trek world after all!
(Repeat chorus)
Its a world of gangsters, a world of cats,
Its a world where boogers can fly like bats!
Hippies sing in the hall,
watch the crew blow up Vall,
Its a Trek world after all!
(Repeat chorus)
Its a world of logical, a cast gone grey,
though they fight for peace in the Starfleet way.
Its a world just for me,
says Gene Rodd-en-ber-ee!
Its just my world after all
(Repeat chorus)
Its a world of androids who cant say no.
Its a world of doctors who come and go.
We have Wesley, the brain,
and an empath (in pain) —
Its a Trek world after all!
(Repeat chorus)
Its a world of captains with little hair,
Its a world of worms hiding who knows where.
Number One in Lame!
Super Wes saves the day!
Its a Trek world after all!
(Repeat chorus)
03
Nov
Yo mama so fat when she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters try to land on her back!
03
Nov
A big issue over a little tissue.
03
Nov
Two idiots were hunting in the woods when they lost their
way. Elliot had read that when lost, you fire three times
in the air and help will come. So he did. Nothing happened.
An hour later he fired three more times. After another hour
his friend told him to try a third time.
… Okay, said Elliot, but were almost out of arrows.